Beware of the Car

"The audience likes detective movies. It's nice to watch a movie, knowing in advance how it will end. In general, it’s flattering to feel smarter than the authors."

"Capital residents claim this incredible story happened in Moscow. Odessa people insist that it happened in their beautiful city. Leningrad and Rostov-on-Don do not agree this. Seven cities dispute this, just as seven cities claim to be the birthplace of Homer. It must be said that it is unknown where this story took place, or whether it happened at all."

"So, as you noticed, it was a dark night. The unknown man tried very hard to go unnoticed... and he succeeded. It was so dark, quiet and deserted here, that you involuntarily wanted to commit a crime."

"Everyone with no car, wants to buy it. And anyone who has a car, wants to sell it. And he doesn't do it just because he will stay without a car."

"Crime movie without chase, it's like life without love."

"Isn't it time, my friends, we aim a blow at William, if you know, at our Shakespeare? (now quoted ironically before start new important job)"

"(before Hamlet play) Comrades, it is a complete stadium of people. I ask everyone to the stage. (to Detochkin) Well, do not forget to say: "To be or not to be?""

"(to customer) Here is Grundig tape recorder. Four tracks, stereophonic, elegant design... A rare thing, will go out in a minute. (The phrase quoted saying ironically about expensive, prestigious stuff)"

"(to Detochkin): Look at yourself. You're just ... an idiot! (allusion to Dostoyevski's The Idiot)"

"I have extenuating circumstances: I am an honest person."

"(last speech on court) Your Honors, I may have acted improperly, but my intentions were pure. I couldn't stand it. They steal, they steal a lot… I just wanted to help you, your Honors. That's why it all turned out this way. Please let me go. I… I won't let this happen again. Honestly, I won't!"

"I have always said that this is a talented criminal. Maybe even he's more talented than me."

"(To Detochkin, contemptuously) Where did you come from? Your mom is so nice, she sings about a steam locomotive."

"No good deed can be accompanied by lies and deceit."

"(to jury, about Detochkin) Of course, he is guilty. But he is... not guilty! Have mercy on him, comrades judges: he is a very good man."

"(to Detochkin) You've thin and looks gaunt. Your trips seem suspicious to me. Yes, Korchnoi won! I was rooting for Tal, he was half a point behind... don't laugh at your mother! Eat, don't slouch. These trips seem suspicious not only to me. Dumas' last work was a cookbook. You're eating onion soup for the great writer's recipe now."

"(to Maxim) The investigator looked after me. But I married a Red Army soldier. The whole regiment was attended at our wedding. We sang "Fly forward, our locomotive ..." Do you know this song?"

"(to Dima) They will cage you. So, don't steal!"

"I sell strawberries grown with my own hands, and for bribery I'll pulverize my own daughter, not like a son-in-law!"

"(to Dima) Put down the birdie!"

"(in court, after Detochkin's last speech) Free Yuriy Detochkin!!!"

"Pub manager: Comrade investigator, I forgot to tell you one detail, maybe it will help."

"Detochkin: Personal car insurance is provided in case of destroy or damage as a result of collisions or natural disasters."

"Maxim: I recognized you."

"Man with suitcases: Taxi! Taxi! Taxi! Be kind! I beg you! I am late. This is your car?"

"Maxim: Who is the witness?"

"Maxim: ... He is a modern, cultural criminal, I would even say, new style criminal. What did crooks at the crime scene forget before?"

"Maxim: I have always said that this is a talented criminal. Maybe even he's more talented than me."

"Dima Semitsvetov: I got caught… I died… an investigator came to me."

"Inna Semitsvetova: We must grease investigator's palm!"

"Dima Semitsvetov: Hello. You know, we have a right turn jam."

"Traffic inspector: Why are you running away from me?"

"Detochkin: (selling the Dima's car to Lithuanian priest) But why do you have money in one-ruble notes only? This is something suspicious. It's not good."

"Maxim: (as Laertes) I have the honor to attack you."

"Maxim: Excuse me, but maybe you're insane? — Detochkin: I'm not. I even have a certificate."

"Maxim: Since when did you start stealing cars from honest people? What about your principles?"

"Maxim (on stage, as Laertes): Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet."

"Dima Semitsvetov: (to jury, very passionately) This individual has swung at the holiest thing we have! At our Constitution! "Everyone has the right to personal property. It is protected by law." — Constitution says. Everyone has the right to have a car, a summer house, books… money! Comrades, no one has yet canceled the money. From each according to his ability, to each according to his work in his cash."