28 Days

"Margo Martindale - Betty"

"Reni Santoni - Daniel"

"Diane Ladd - Bobbie Jean"

"[After crashing into Lily's wedding cake and ruining it] Don't worry, I'll replace it. Okay?"

"[Betty is confiscating inappropriate items from Gwen's bag] An eyelash curler? And what am I going to do with that? Stab myself? Curl my tongue to death?"

"Yeah, I know I drink a lot, I know I do because I'm a writer and that's what I do, I drink. I'm not like those people out there, I can control myself! I can, if - that - if I wanted to, I could, if I wanted. I can! I can!"

"You know, your carpet is filthy. And I only bring that up because carpet grit's responsible for a lot of major health problems. And that's the last thing that you need around here."

"Um, hey, um, listen, about the um, about that uh, jail thing... I-I-I- I can't. I-I I can't go. Um, uh, well, not because I don't want to go, but, um, it, uh, oh God, my hands, you know, they just keep doing that. That's not normal. I just-- there's something wrong with my hands-- um, well, with me. Cause, uh, what kind of person just jumps out of a- what kind of person jumps out of a window, you know? Because she can't sit still, you know? And be alone and, you know, in a room, without-- You know a person should be able to just be alone, right? You know, human beings should be able to just breathe. I can't breathe. And I feel that I think I know-- I think I know that if I go to jail... like this, you know, I'll die, and, uh, I don't wanna die."

"I am having a bad day! The worst damn day of my whole damn life! If it is not too much to ask will you all just back the fuck off!"

"Oh, so our therapist today is a very large, smelly, beast of burden."

"I am so tired by the way you people talk. You know, I mean, "one day at a time." What is that? I mean, like two, three days at a time is an option?"

"I'm not a lesbian!"

"You don't have to live my shitty little life, and until you do, do not tell me to give up the one person who matters to me, okay! Because, I know, he's not perfect, but he's the one person that will show up, on my birthday, and he'll say, "I'm glad you were born!""

"Santa Cruz watcher!"

"I understand. Marry a cute girl, move to the suburbs, spend your weekends mowing. You'll never want to do coke again."

"God, I love afternoons like this. You know what's missing in this afternoon? That I don't have a very dry vodka martini with two olives in a chilled glass. God, I miss that."

"Look, I know peoples perceptions of girls who screw other girls' boyfriends. I know what the world's perception is on someone who goes into a bar and realizes five hours later that I've left my three-year-old godson in the back of the car. I mean, people don't like people like that. They don't like-- I don't like people like that."

"Promise me we were safe."

"You're not like, uh, one of them paternity suit kind of gals."

"I bet you can't sit still and be quiet for even one minute."

"[In response to the others learning that he follows a soap opera] I only work every fifth day. Hell else am I supposed to do with my time."

"You know, lately I've been lying awake at night thinking of all the dumb-ass things I've done when I was messed up. One night last year, at dinner, I threw up all over my glazed ham. Then I was thinking, "Well, maybe nobody noticed.""

"Look, I messed up. I got riled up, and there isn't a lot I can do about it right now. Except I just want to say I'm sorry, and uh, you know, people make mistakes. If you can't handle that-- it you-- if you want to decide that, uh, my messing up means I'm not worth being your friend, then you aren't half as smart as you think you are."

"[Holding up a burnt bra] Is this yours, or mine?"

"[At Gwen's rehab] Who the hell do you have to know to get a drink around here?"

"Just break open the bread."

"This is so not how I saw this whole thing playing out!"

"No one adult human being is happy! People are born, they have a limited amount of time going around thinking life is dandy but then, inevitably, tragedy strikes and they realize life equals loss! The whole point of the game is to minimize the pain caused by that equation! Now some people do it by having kids, or making money, or taking up coin collecting, and others do it by getting wasted. Letting that little switch in the head turn the hot light off and the cool light on."

"Everybody hurts everybody it's the human condition!"

"I'll buy running shoes. We'll take up yoga-- or, jogging. You know, we'll be organized. Pay our bills, we'll floss our teeth. We won't set fire to the apartment anymore. I'll buy a goldfish, and we'll be like normal people."

"Gwen, you make it impossible to love you."

"You wanna know how I feel, Gwen? How I've always felt around you? Small. You have this... way. You know, it's that mom thing. That amazing gravitational force. Even when she was a mess, the world noticed her. You have that. And I guess... I figured... that you always knew that. I don't know. When I went back home and I started thinking... and maybe you don't know that. About yourself, I mean. I mean, who would have told you? Not me. The only thing I ever told you was what a pain in the ass you were."

"Well, I'm not a fan of all soap operas. Just Santa Cruz. I mean, it's just an incredible show. I saw it the first time, um, when I was in the hospital a while ago after I got out of my first rehab center. There was this girl on the show, who's Darien. She was also hospitalized, and it was like I was staring at myself. I mean, not physically, cause I don't have the curly hair and stuff. I mean, this whole thing had happened with her. She'd actually been impregnated by her brother, but, she obviously didn't know it was her brother at the time, and... And I don't have a brother, but I have sisters... So it's really sort of, um, been an inspiration... for me. And, it's really, sort of, helped me stay sober... off and on..."

"She didn't come. I waited all day for her. I did my hair."

"Yeah, you're an individual. The only person in the world who uses drugs and alcohol."

"Hey, listen. This isn't the last lousy day you're going to have here."

"Hi, my name is Cornell. I'm a drug addict, alcoholic, compulsive gambler-slash-liar."

"If that will make you happy, I will stop drinking. And then I would tell myself, "Tonight, I will not get wasted." And then something would happen. Or nothing would happen. And, uh, I'd get that feeling. I think you all know what that feeling is. When your skin is screaming and your hands are shaking. Uh, and your stomach feels like it wants to jump through your throat. And you know, that if anyone had a clue how wrong it felt to be sober, they wouldn't dream of asking you to stay that way. They would say, "Oh, geeze, I didn't know. Here. It's okay for you. Do that mound of cocaine. Have a drink. Have 20 drinks. Whatever you need to do to feel like a normal human being, you do it. And boy, I did it. I drank and I snorted, and I drank and I snorted, and drank and I snorted, and I did this day after day after day after night after night. And I didn't care about the consequences, because I knew they couldn't be half as bad as not using. And then one night, something happened. I woke up. I woke up on a sidewalk. And I had no idea where I was. I couldn't have told you the city I was in. And my head was pounding, and I looked down and my shirt is covered in blood. And as I'm lying there, wondering what happens next, I head a voice, and it said, "Man, this is not a way to live. This is a way to die.""

"I like those spider plants, but whatever turns you on."

"[shouts] Oh my God! Look at my package!"

"There's a time when you can share and you hold hands and be on the same path. But there's always a fork in the road... at some point. And sometimes you have to go on one part of the fork and they gotta go on the other part of the fork. [Sigh] Or just down the back part of the fork while you go forward. And they're like [Sigh] Or they got a salad fork and you have one of the big dinner forks and you have longer to go but they're like done because that's it, they're stuck on a piece of food, that they [Sigh]. Their dessert fork or like one of those, you know small little shrimp forks or crab forks and you're trying to get out a crab. They're like that and you're over here jumping to the huge serving fork or something like that, or a ladle, you know. [Sigh]"

"Eddie, you surprise me."

"I have a question. Once we all leave, we have needs that are going to need to be filled... by people... physically... at times. How and when can we do that? Not how, just when?"

"Oh. I killed the plant."

"What are you doing here? It's so good to see you! [Sobs]"

"We carry our own bags here, this isn't the Sheraton."

"No fraternization- that's romance and/or sex- between patients. Oh, and we chant here. Don't be put off by it. It's just some people prefer it to the serenity prayer."

"Don't forget tonight's lecture, at 8:30: "How many brain cells did I kill last night?""

"Tonight's lecture: Are you a blackout drunk, or don't you remember?"

"Tonight's lecture: "I've worked all 12 steps, can I go home now?""