"Bluster: The bigger you think, the bigger big shot you are, and the more you impress Candy! DK: Candy? Why didn't you say so? I'm all ears! Diddy: And I'm in for 50%."

"Kutlass: Stop, you little half-a-wit sea dog! Diddy: Halfwit? You two are the ones missing the boat! (Kutlass and Green Kroc realize that Skurvy left without them as they shout out to him.) What a bunch of goofus doofuses! (Laughs.)"

"Cranky: You're supposed to be at my place keeping an eye on the Crystal Coconut! DK: Don't worry, Cranky, I took it for safe keeping. It's right over... Uh oh! It was right here a minute ago! Cranky: Safe keeping, eh?"

"K. Rool: With my KCCBM, we'll be up to our tails in Coconut Chills before you can say "Blast off"! (Klump pushes a big red button that launches the KCCBM.) Kritters: HOORAY!! K. Rool: I wanted to push the big red button! Klump: But you said 'blast off', and I didn't get to say anything!"

"Diddy: That's no ordinary map. Look! Footprints leading to an "X"! DK: So who would want to go clear across the island for an "X"? Funky: Especially when all you can spell with is like, uh, "xylophone"! DK: Or "exit"! Funky: Or "ox"! Diddy: Or TREASURE! DK: There's no "X" in "treasure", Diddy. Diddy: D'OH, I KNOW THAT! I'm saying this is a treasure map! "X" marks the spot!"

"Candy: Hey, where's DK going? Bluster: Candy, uh... forget that. You didn't see them. You're hallucinating! You just think DK's going on a treasure hunt... uh, can I rephrase that? Candy: HE'S STANDING ME UP TO GO ON A TREASURE HUNT?! Why of all the... Dixie: Candy! Trea-sure hunt. As in treasure. Huh? Candy: Treasure? He's going on a treasure hunt? Bluster: Now Candy. As foreman of the... Candy: Are you flying this thing or am I learning to fly it without you!?"

"Klump: Seems the apes are performing some search-and-rescue operation in the mountain mines, sir! K. Rool: What could they possibly be looking for in the mountain mines? Krusha: Duh, rocks? K. Rool: Rocks? Of course! LIKE THE KIND IN YOUR HEAD! What's the target, Klump? Klump: Buried treasure, sir! K. Rool: Any idea what kind of treasure? Klump: Rocks?"

"K. Rool: It's so obvious that the treasure they're looking for is some kind of Doomsday Device capable of destroying an entire island! Do you know what that means? Krusha: Duh, the apes will have supreme domination over Kongo Bongo Island and probably turn us into matching luggage. K. Rool: He does have his moments."

""Jump in these to be transformed into an animal buddy. I just hope they've included poor old Winky and Expresso this time instead of that bone-brained rhino that always seems to get in the games"."

""Let me know if you find a bananaport that can take me out of this sorry game, and I'll be there in a flash"."

""Also found in the level lobbies, the information concealed behind these [Wrinkly doors] should be used as a last resort only (or as a first resort if you are a really poor player)"."

""Special? Hah! I'd sure like to know what makes these [items] any better than the others; they look just as useless to me. Probably because they're slightly larger and a little shinier, I suppose"."

""[Golden Bananas are] The most precious item in the game, apart from me, of course. You'll need plenty of these to progress through the levels. If you find more than ten, I'll be surprised"."

"[DK is] the leader of this mangy bunch and tells me that he has learned a whole new bunch of 'mean, reptile-stomping' moves. I doubt whether they will be any better than his old ones, but we shall see, shan't we?"

""Funky stocks the following shooters, all of which can hopefully be upgraded, if you can get that far into the game without falling asleep"."

""I can't be bothered to tell you any more [about Snide], so you'll have to ask him what he's doing in this game when you meet him"."

"You fraudster! I'm off to consult my lawyers about this!"

"So you've reached the bonus game then, have you? It's not a simple game of questions and answers this time though! Now you've got to beat yours truly if you want to win any prizes!"

"Do you think you two apes can break up your party long enough to fix up my roof?"

""The best switch is the one on top of your N64, as you can turn off your silly 3-D adventure and let me get some sleep"."

""Tough luck kid. I've been told to keep my mouth shut, as they want to keep all the good stuff for a money-making strategy guide. I'm sure some of it will appear on the newfangled 'internet' thing as well, so I suggest you take a look-see there. You could also ask your friends, assuming of course you've got any. If all else fails, you'll just have to play better"."

""Elsewhere [in Gloomy Galleon], you'll find a hulking structure that's a bit dim and doesn't work. Yes, I know you already know about Chunky, but this is also true of a eerie lighthouse. Let's see if you can get them both working and be of some use"."

"Now where did they put the level I designed? Hmm... I can't seem to find it. It was called the 'Great Girder Grapple' as I remember. Oooh, I must have spent at least 3 minutes working on it. I even drew them a fancy little picture. Bah! It must have been too good for them. The kids would have refused to play their fancy 3-D levels once they'd gotten a taste of my 2-D girder action! Don't give up hope though; they might have hidden it somewhere like a priceless gem, hoping that no one will ever find it..."

""I knew they'd have to have something like this. The Kongs will be so weighed down with all the garbage they have to collect, I can't see them getting past the second level. You can view all this silly nonsense and some other stuff I don't understand by pressing START during your game"."

"I could defeat [K. Rool] single-handedly of course, but then you wouldn't have a game to play would you?"

""My powerful potions will give you abilities you've never dreamed of and certainly don't deserve, assuming of course you can afford my modest asking fee. Now don't you go asking me for a potion of gameplay, as even my genius can't rescue this game from its rightful destiny in the bargain bin"."

"Just remember that we rightfully expect our expertise to be rewarded, so do collect a good haul of Banana Bunch Coins before you even think about disturbing me, won't you?"

""Those silly stretchy arms give [Lanky] plenty of potential, but I'm sure he'll be too busy clowning around to be of much use"."

"Tiny can also shrink in size--although I reckon that one's nothing more than a marketing gimmick and won't even be in the game!"

""[Diddy is] quick, nimble and courageous but still a bit of a lightweight when compared to my fine physique. He's also got this new-fangled thing he calls a Jetbarrel, but it sounds like nothing more than a lot of hot air to me"."

"So let's see what nonsense they've made up for this game, shall we? Hmm... well, I have to hand it to them. This time they've managed to come up with a decent storyline that doesn't involve the usual golden bananas. Only joking kids! This one's worse than all the previous efforts put together! I know you probably aren't expecting a best seller, but wait till you hear this load of rubbish..."

"Bah! The lad had a couple of frames in DKC and now he thinks he's a big star!"

"Arrrrgh! This story's even worse than DKC! They're really scraping the bottom of the barrel this time!"

"Until then, I got a little tip for ya, DK". [DK: "Yeah? What's that?"] "GO HOME AND LET ME GET SOME SLEEP!!"

"Look at the fancy box. Look at the size of this instruction manual. You don't think they would have gone to all this trouble if the game was any good, do you?!"

"I wouldn't believe a word of this! I've been everywhere and I found only two locations, bad ones at that!"

"Look!...look at this!...as I rock, my beard swings! Waste of frames in my opinion!"

"What's going on here? Dixie should be the damsel in distress, not one of the stars!"

"Someone sure has a vivid imagination! I've been everywhere and I can tell you that none of these places actually exist!"

"Copy?! Who'd want to copy this game?"

"Err... Nope! None of these baddies are in! They must have slipped in the wrong instruction manual or something!"

"Tired of me? You're lucky I'm here to brighten up this boring manual!"

"Does anyone ever actually use these memo pages? Waste of paper if you ask me!"

"I can't believe you're still reading this! What you need is a good trashing!"

"It sounds crazy, but so is everything else that's happened today!"

"Ah, the rare flora-dora orchid. And today's the one day a year you bloom for five seconds, when the sun is in exactly... that position. Say cheese! I've only got five seconds. Work with me here. Hey, how come you're still here? The sun should've shifted. Great jumpin' bananas! The sun's not moving! That can't be good..."