First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"Slack-jawed simpletons of Britain, this is your leaderā¦"
"People of Britain, this is your Emperorā¦"
"You miserable gits, this is your Prime Ministerā¦"
"People of Britain, who hate meā¦"
"People of Britain, this is your Supreme Overlordā¦"
"People of Britain, this is your Prime Minister, twitchy face, embarrassing plum suit, today..."
"People of Britain, oh how I hate to be beside the seaside grimace, hate Gordon Brown hand gesture, looking over his shoulder underpantsā¦"
"People of Britain, starey eyes, sweaty palms, receding hairline, yesterday I announcedā¦"
"Al-Kapowwow"
"As a result, the North Korean leader Kim Jong-il announcified that he would be resumerating their nucular program."
"[After a long speech] I hope I have made myself queer."
"Yassir Crackerjack and the Polyunsaturated people."
"Abu Musab al-Safari and the Iraqi detergents are vanished."
"My fellow cabinet members, Donald Rumsfeld and Basmati Riceā¦"
"Former President, Bill Clitorisā¦"
"The Iraqi people can look forward to a future free of intimidation and violins."
"Today the Iraqi people will be voting ā whether they are Sonnies or Chers."
"You must remember that Al-Qaeda therapists despise the American way of life, and everything you and I hold to be queerā¦"
"[Referring to the end of the Iraq War] I give my word to the Iraqi people that American construction firms have arrived on the ground and will commence reincarnation immediatelyā¦"
"My fellow crustaceans..."
"My fellow Merkinsā¦"
"My fellow Algorithmsā¦"
"My fellow Abi Titmusesā¦"
"My fellow Bulgariansā¦"
"My fellow ostrichesā¦"
"My fellow sea-beaversā¦"
"My fellow umbrellastandsā¦"
"My fellow pelicansā¦"
"My fellow watermelonsā¦"
"My fellow amoeboidsā¦"
"My fellow Ugly Bettys..."
"My fellow animaniacsā¦"
"In my vast (or at least half-vast) experience with..."
"I had everything a kid could want: two square meals a day, a basket to sleep in, and an imaginary dog."
"The overhead projector has done more to destroy learning than any other thing I can think of."
"If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there."
"Live long and prosper bitches! - Sign-off for 2008"
"I didn't ruin the show! - Daily Sign-off"
"Ba-bye! - Past Sign-off"
"Shut up! I'm sexy! - Past statement often replayed"
"Don't you know who I am? - Daily Sign-off"
"I'm Bill Allred, Painter of Light. - Former Sign-off"
"What're you looking at!? - Sign-off for 2008"
"Mrs. Bill (Bill's wife): You're the one who's going to have to explain to our son what 'banging a stripper' means."
"Nola Allred (Bill's mother): "What's the matter? You got a turd caught crosswise?""
"Shannon the Bartender (Geek Show Guest): "'snarf' You shall not pass. 'snarf'""
"Grant Neilsen (of KSL): So....anyway....yeah. But anyway."
"Bill Frost: Whatever hole needs plugged; that's me."
"Bill Frost: It's beyond Bravo gay."
"Girl Intern: It takes the right ingredients to make a good boner."