"I am unlovable...I have tried to involve myself in other people, in relationships, and even - in my sillier moments - in love. But it doesn't work. Something in me is broken or missing and sooner or later the other person catches me Acting or one of Those Nights comes along."

"I poked at the white paper bag. There was nothing left inside. Just like me: a clean crisp outside and nothing at all on the inside."

"I think people understand things different when they get older. It’s not a question of getting soft, or seeing things in the gray areas instead of black and white. I really believe I’m just understanding things different. Better."

"Me, feeling. What a concept."

"I'm struggling to … change a lot of people's minds about buying and wearing fur. To tell you the truth, when I was younger growing up, I thought it was all fake … So once I found out what really happens, I had the opportunity to do this, so I really wanted to become part of it. I wanted to get involved with the campaign basically because I’m an avid animal lover. You know, I have pets of my own―I’ve had them since I was a little kid. Animals always want to pick you up, no matter what."

"If you're going to do it, do it very cautiously. If you're going to ride a bike, ride it the right way. Don't speed. Do it for enjoyment. If you're going to bungee jump, have two cords in case one snaps. I don't ride anything. I just talk trash. That's it."

"On the highway, I hit a deer. I kept him. He's at home in the garage on the rafters. I'm going to use him for the celebration this weekend. He's a prop. They might suspend me for the last game, but I think this one is worth it. This is going to be the greatest celebration of all time, man. I actually use an animal."

"There are two things for Brother Harris this week. The bad thing is, he has to cover me. The good is he can save 15 percent by switching his auto insurance to Geico."

"(After kicking an extra point in a Bengals preseason game) Esteban' Ochocinco is back, the most interesting footballer in the world. Everyone has to remember, I've always said that soccer is my No. 1 sport. I think Ronaldinho would be proud of me right now."

"Things happen in NFL games. I don't try to dwell on it. I try to say, It happened. Let's move onto the next one."

"It’s been a very exciting year. It shows that you’ve got to seize the moment. It was a great experience. I set goals for myself and had a chance to accomplish some of them. I’m hoping that I can continue the rest of my career like this."

"So, she asks this kid, who knew everything, Irwin. |Brian"

"I don't know. I don't know, really... |Brian"

""Brian, what the hell are you talking about!?" |Teacher"

""German, Jermaine! Jermaine, Jackson! Jackson Five! Tito!"

""What are you speaking, German, Brian?" | teacher"

"Imbecilon! |Brian"

""BRIAN! Brian... You're an imbecile." | teacher"

"MOOSEN! I saw a flock of moosen! There were many of 'em. Many much, moosen. Out in the woods—in the woodes—in the woodsen. The meese want the food. Food is to eatenesen! THE MEESE WANT THE FOOD IN THE WOODENESEN! AND THE FOOD IN THE WOODYENESEN! |Brian"

""Brian, what's the plural for MOOSE?" |teacher"

"(Chuckling)'Wha-at? | Brian"

""Brian!" | teacher"

"'Geese. I saw a flock... of geese.' | Irwin"

""No, Brian, no... Let's try another one. Irwin, what's the plural for goose?" |teacher"

"Boxen. I bought 2 boxen of doughnuts. |Brian"

""Brian, what’s the plural for box?" |teacher"

"(chuckling) What? | Brian"

""Brian?" | teacher"

"'Oxen. The farmer used his oxen.' |Irwin"

"“Irwin! Irwin, what is the plural for ox?" |teacher"

""Brian, what's the 'I before E' rule?" |teacher"

""I know there's two 'T's!" |kid"

"Then, as he passed you, |Brian"

""K-A-T, I'm outta here." |Kid"

"First round,'Cat' |teacher"

"He knew he wasn't going to win, so why stand there for 3 hours?|Brian"

"That's why I admired that kid who spelled it wrong, on purpose, so he could sit down, you know|Brian"

"I wasn't even close! I was using numbers, and stuff!"|kid"

""Hey, look at me, I'm a moron!|kid"

"Spell a word wrong, sit down in front of your friends." Yeah, that's great for little egos:|Brian"

""Alright kids, up against the wall. It's time for public humiliation. |teacher"

"Then the spelling bee day, you know, popped up."

"'Cause up until that day, I was an idiot, but nobody else knew, you know?"

"Uh... I don't know. I'd be a lot better off, if I would've studied more, when I was growing up, you know? But, you know, the day where it all went wrong, was the day they started the spelling bee."

""No, Brian. No, let me show you.” |teacher"

"Uuhhhh... On weekends, and holidays, and,... |Brian"

""When?" |teacher"

"Um... You put a 'S'… you- you add an ‘S’ at the end of it. | Brian"