"Ma'am, you were just the victim of a New York City mugger. As I suspected, he was a coward and a weakling, and also wore more cologne than any man should wear."

"Adam Sandler as Longfellow Deeds"

"Winona Ryder as Babe Bennett"

"John Turturro as Emilio Lopez"

"Allen Covert as Marty"

"Peter Gallagher as Chuck Cedar"

"Jared Harris as Mac McGrath"

"Erick Avari as Cecil Anderson"

"Rob Schneider as Nazo"

"Peter Dante as Murph"

"Conchata Ferrell as Jan"

"Harve Presnell as Preston Blake"

"Steve Buscemi as Crazy Eyes"

"Brandon Molale as Kevin Ward"

"Blake Clark as Buddy Ward"

"[after scaring off Dennis and Elwood] When you peckawoods get your diapers cleaned come back! I'll be waiting!"

"[after giving the nearly naked guys clothes] I'd get dressed faster if I were you 'cause I've been alone in this cabin for 30 years."

"[After finding Dan, Jerry and Tom in their boxers] Freeze you perverts!"

"[While high on marijuana, after dodging a bullet] Whoa... Matrix."

"[Billy's Italian girlfriend rubs herself on his casket] Billy's dead and he still has a better chance of getting laid than I do."

"No worries, no responsibilities, just living in the moment."

"Wow, this song is so uncool."

"You guys, check out this map. It looks like Billy left us a treasure map."

"This never leaves the cave."

"[discovering a barn full of marijuana] Great mother of ganja!"

"I'm not an astronaut, I'm an American."

"Burt Reynolds - Del Knox"

"Seth Green - Dan Mott"

"Matthew Lillard - Jerry Conlaine"

"It was like her eyes were trying to escape her head."

"Dax Shepard - Tom Marshall"

"Bonnie Somerville - Denise"

"Ethan Suplee - Elwood"

"Abraham Benrubi - Dennis"

"Rachel Blanchard - Flower"

"Frank Welker - Deer (Growls) and Grizzly Bear and Lynyrd & Skynyrd"

"Three lifelong friends... One lost treasure... What could go wrong?"