"I'm so freakin' pissed! First of all, Dr. Dorfman totally messes up my nose job; I asked him to make me look like Gwyneth Paltrow, I get out of the surgery table lookin' like frickin' Shrek!"

"I got the buckwheat."

"Oh yeah? Well, your mother's ass is so hairy, it looks like Don King's about to pop out and say, "Only in America"!"

"Hold my poodle."

"Exqueeze me?"

"You two-timing son of a bitch! He's a woman!"

"Thinks he can just push me around! Thinks I'm just gonna hop on the next boat for the States and that'll be that! Well, you've got another thing coming Mr. Big-shot Fairy Marchand! 'Cause Mrs. Cassidy's little goirl Norma ain't gonna take this one lyin' down! [Norma boards the train and walks all the way down the corridor, raving to herself. She gets out on the balcony of the last car] And don't kid yourself! You ain't seen the last of me yet! [She opens her coat to reveal her underclothes. A boarding passenger, distracted by this, falls off the platform behind the train] Oh, you okay?"

"[to the dancers on stage after they drop him] You bitches."

"Thank you. Thank you, thank you, you're most kind. In fact, you're every kind."

"[Victoria, in her disguise, pulls Norma into the bedroom and starts taking off her clothes] Oh, now wait a minute...WAIT!!!!! [whispers] Lock the door!"

"[looking at a glass of White Wine] The last time I saw a specimen like this they had to shoot the horse."

"You know, pretending to be a man does have its disadvantages."

"God, there've been times I'd have given my soul to be able to cry like that."

"You were marvelous! And I never want to see any of you again!"

"Shame is an unhappy emotion invented by pietists in order to exploit the human race."

"You can't think about it, you just gotta put it out of your mind! The more you think about it, the more you worry. The more you worry, the more you think. [eating chocolates] Think, worry, worry, think... mm! too soft... It just gets like a vicious cycle! And then, before you know it, you are impudent! [King walks out of the bathroom, holding a bar of soap] What's with the soap?"

"There's nothing more inconvenient than an old queen with a head cold."

"So, I'm a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman."

"I know what you're thinking... and you ought to be ashamed of yourself."

"Jonathan Sadowski – Paul"

"Emily Perkins – Eunice"

"James Snyder – Malcolm"

"James Kirk – Sebastian"

"Justin: [after he blocks a goal] That's right. Didn't score on me last half, won't score on this half! I'm a ninja. Ninja Goalie."

"Amanda Bynes – Viola"

"Channing Tatum – Duke"

"Paul: Just remember, inside every girl, there's a boy. [pause] That came out wrong, but you know what I mean."

"Olivia: [as Viola takes her place at the kissing booth] Beware. The old guy chewing gum... it's not gum."