"And to our female friends here today, we must not abuse of our dogs with the lure of a peanut butter snatch. We must channel our horniness into extracurricular activities."

"[At a gas station with three “First Ladies” masked heistmen in van] I'm gonna fill up the tank and grab a Mountain Dew. Don't make a peep. Especially you, Barbara."

"Rizwan Abbasi as Alf"

"Listen to me... bitch. I don't think you know who the fuck you are dealing with."

"Excuse the fuck out of us!"

"Love is a battlefield, baby."

"[Domino, Ed and Choco are about to make a bust] Okay, Domino, you're with me on the side. [Cocks shotgun] Choco, you cover the rear."

"[As he chews gum] It's like... Night... of the Living Dead!"

"[After a particularly unpleasant day of filming the bounty hunters' reality TV show, to Ian Ziering and Brian Austin Green, the hosts] This is going to jump-start your careers!"

"Absolutely brilliant."

"I blew off my own goddamn toe. Just to numb the pain. Let me tell you something, we all get weak over women. We all get weak over women. Fuckin' broads are all nuts. They know how to kill us."

"Now, if 2 Live Crew has taught us anything, it's that horniness in today's society is out of control. And at one point within the next decade, mark my words, ladies and gentlemen, society will have reached something I call APATT..."All porno, all the time." Pornography will have become an epidemic in this country. Phase one... masturbation."

"I should let you know that Mr. Heiss will only be available to meet for about five minutes, so we should hurry up and cut to the point. Um, and speak in short sentences because he has the attention span of a ferret on crystal meth."

"Delroy Lindo as Claremont Williams"

"You tell Domino Harvey that nobody messes with Mark Heiss! Nobody messes with the WB!"

"If you're wondering what's true and what isn't, fuck off, because it's none of your goddamn business!"

"[Voiceover] Nobody really knows where Ed came from. This much is clear, the man's been places, seen things, lived life. He did a term in Soledad and a term in Angola where he lost a toe during a prison riot. The man's a warrior."

"I saved her... And when she is older, a woman named Domino will tell her that there is only one conclusion to every story... We all fall down."

"[Voiceover] Beverly Hills High for a spell, but it didn't work out. I hated them. I hated them all. College was even worse. Mum convinced me to join a sorority. It was all fun and games at first. Then the hazing started."

"[Voiceover] She decided to sock me and my goldfish Sammy away in boarding school. A week later, Sammy died. It was a pivotal moment in my life. I decided to never invest too much emotion in one thing. It's always a set-up to the pain of losing them."

"[Voiceover] I've never killed anyone. I hope to never kill anyone, even if they deserve it. My agenda is to kick ass and secure the bounty. If I'm on this side of the law I can live the low life and avoid jail. I can live nasty and not do time for it. That's called the best of both worlds. As for that other world, that 90210 world, it's not for me."

"[Voice-over] I decided to never invest too much emotion in one thing. It's always a set-up to the pain of losing them."

"[Voiceover] That's my best friend. His name is Choco. He's always fancied me, but too shy to ever do anything about it."

"[Narrates] My name is Domino Harvey. I am a bounty hunter. You're probably wondering how a girl like me arrived here. What I say will determine whether or not I spend the rest of my life in prison. Let's start at the beginning."

"[Voiceover] That's our driver Alf. He's from Afghanistan. He once ate a cat. We can't understand how to pronounce his fucking name so we just call him the cat eating alien."

"[Voiceover] After Dad passed on, my mum's agenda was to hit the town and find another husband with a boatload of cash."

"[Voiceover] You're probably wondering how a girl like me arrived here, at the arse end of the Nevada desert with a blood-spattered Winnebago and a one-armed man."

"[Voice-over] Choco grew up on the streets of Venezuela. When he was four years old, he stabbed another kid in the eyeball with a pencil."

"[In tactical team bus to TV camera man] Turn the fucking camera off!"

"Mo'Nique as Lateesha Rodriguez"

"[Voice-over] There were wires crossed somewhere in his soul."

"[To Choco from motel room door] Do you mind if I ask you a question? Do I look like I speak Spanish? Do I look South American to you? I don't understand a word you're fucking saying! You know what?! Ed's right! It's not cute! It's not fucking cute! It's never been fucking cute, Choco! I don't fucking understand you! You're a freak! [Slams motel room door in his face]"

"[Voice-over] When I was a little girl my father told me that if you weren't careful you could lose everything you've ever earned in life in a split second. You have to know when to cash out."

"Stanley Kamel as Anthony Cigliutti"

"Based on a true story - sort of..."