"Imagine discovering a continent so vast that it may have no end to its dimensions. Imagine a new world with more resources than all our future greed might exhaust, more opportunities than there will ever be entrepreneurs enough to exploit, and a peculiar kind of real estate that expands with development. Imagine a place where trespassers leave no footprints, where goods can be stolen infinite number of times and yet remain in the possession of their original owners, where business you never heard of can own the history of your personal affairs..."

"Everyone seems to be playing well within the boundaries of his usual rule set. I have yet to hear anyone say something that seemed likely to mitigate the idiocy of this age."

"I can't go on, I'm going to go do something less painful like stick my dick in the oven."

"HEY FAGGOT, YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY WE CARE ABOUT TERRI SCHIAVO AND NOT CANCER PATIENTS? BECAUSE FUCK YOU. SHOVE THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT. FUCK OFF!"

"i hope that earns me some eprops (proper recognition in an electronic form lol) LOL LOL LOL!!!"

""my friend and i were watching mtv the other day when nelly came on and my friend was like "omg nelly rules". hes such an idiot, he only listens to trendy music. at least i like original stuff like beyonce."

"4 example the other day i saw a black person walking down the street and i was like "omg a negro" but instead of walking on the other side i said "what would rumsfeld do?" so i stayed on the sidewalk. when he came up to me i wanted to show him that i have no problems with people of color so i said "hey" and offered him my spare change before he could even ask."

"u know what? i thought about it and ive decided that your right, i shouldnt make fun of people who get fast cars. please accept my apology.............. psych! yeah right homo."

"(introduction) "this page is about my opinions. if you disagree, you have a right to your opinion and i can respect that.""

"6. You realize that if 10 million people saw the movie once, each wasting 3 hours of their lives, that 30 million hours have been wasted, and that if each person lived an average of 70 years, 3,424 years, or 49 lives will have been wasted watching the Titanic. James Cameron has effectively murdered 49 people. (Not necessarily a reason to cry, but it is to a sap that saw Titanic in the first place)."

"Some people think I'm conceited. Oh well. All my friends think I'm better than they are. Sometimes my friends ask 'so how come you rule so much?' One time I decided to play basketball, but I suck at basketball so I lost. Just kidding, I kicked everyone's ass because I'm the best. I own everyone at everything. There's no use in trying to be as good as me because it's impossible. There aren't enough words to describe how good I am. THE UNIVERSE REVOLVES AROUND ME. I AM KING. Everyone wishes they were me. EVERYONE. If I weren't me, I'd wish I was. I love me."

"If women ran the world, we'd still be searching for the wheel."

"Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome. Other than that, dancing makes me envy cripples."

"The only thing that goes with Crocs is social Ostracism."

"There are pigs that can manipulate joysticks, yet you morons can't even send me an intelligible email."

"...'SummerGrl19?' Very clever handle by the way, the only way you could make it any more unoriginal or cliche would be to add the words 'happy, cute' or 'princess' to the name."

""If you got caught screwing around on the job, you'd probably get fired, and so would I. Why should he get away with it?" (on Bill Clinton)"

"If there were a building that stood for grammatical integrity, this email would be the plane that crashed into it."

"Having spelling errors is one thing, but c'mon. I've typed out more coherent sentences with my penis."

"My Nuts are just under critical mass, a few inches away from collapsing into a super dense vortex of nutsaqutron (a type of radiation given off by enormous balls)."

"Why are politicians so full of shit? Why can't there be a congressman (congressman, yes man, tough shit to all you feminists) that just speaks his mind without the meaningless bullshit and ass kissing?"

""This car just looks terrible; it looks like it was designed by a blind child with arthritis. In a coma." (on the Honda Element)"

"I don't get it: they re-package the same shitty football games every year, update a few stats, call it a new game and millions of suckers keep buying them. What's the point? Why not just go outside and play real football instead? Or even better yet, get bent. Nobody likes football."

"When I say this game is hard, I mean hard like nipples-on-a-blind-lesbian-in-a-fish-market hard."

"… the real reason ADD exists is because executives at pharmaceutical companies need to make their Lexus payments."

"If people who look different don't necessarily think differently, which they don't, then aren't they essentially discriminating against them by "embracing" them as being "diverse"?"

"I hate the help screen, I hate the options, I hate the card graphics, I hate the default window size, everything. I HATE SOLITAIRE."

"Is someone you know anorexic? A good joke would be to tell them that they're fat. They'll laugh because anorexic people aren't fat. HAHAH"

"The next person's phone I hear set to Vivaldi is going to need a hydraulic pump to pry their phone out of their ass."

"The earth's population is about 6 billion. At 15 minutes per person, that amounts to over 171,000 years we'd have to spend just sitting around watching people be "famous." To hell with that."

"If trashy television was a video game, The Jenny Jones show would be the final boss."

"It's not that I rule, it's that everyone else sucks more than I do. We all suck, and whoever sucks the least is king."

"I've got pissing people off down to a science."

"It was like Rambo sent them all Christmas cards, but instead of cards it was murder."

"I'm impressed that they've been able to take a 2D character with a 1D personality and bloat it into a 3D disaster."

"That reminds me of how much I hate babies. Why does everyone want to save them? There are too many babies. I'm not saying we should kill them, but if you happen to be giving your baby a bath and the phone rings.. well, nobody will judge you. Besides, you might get free brownies out of it at the funeral, and brownies rule."

"She started crying when she saw the busted colon I gave her pussy husband, so she took one of her shoes off and threw it at me. I caught the shoe between my pecs and I started to laugh like a pirate. Then she started walking towards me to take her shoe back, and there was no way I was going to let this bitch get near my chest so I body slammed her into a cactus that happened to be there. She got up and was uglier than before, so I did what I always do when women start to cry: I went back inside to play video games."

"I was going to write about how I was going to take away women's right to vote, but that one is pretty obvious since nobody wants women to vote, except for women, and they don't count."

"I have a different stance on abortion: I'm against abortion, but for killing babies. That way everyone loses, and I win. I'm neither pro choice, nor pro life; I'm pro you-shutting-the-hell-up. The only way I'd be "pro choice" is if it meant I could choose which babies I could abort, and only then if I could lift the age restriction to 80.""

"Passing out while you try to kill yourself is like failing at failing."

"There's no shame in masturbation, unless you get caught."

"It's every man's dream to have a penis so large that he must hire a small boy to carry it."

"The theme song states "YOU GOT THE POWER TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE... YOU GOT THE POWER TO MAKE A CHANGE." Wow, thank you MTV, for making me feel empowered and independent, like only a multinational media conglomerate can."

"Note that the name of the show is 'Trippin' ' and not 'Tripping' because the addition of the letter 'g' would not be consistent with the views of MTV's urban youth demographic who tend to frown upon linguistic formalities such as proper enunciation. I mean, proper 'nunciation, yo!"

"General Grievous," a bad guy so sinister, his very name stands for PAIN AND SUFFERING. Nice job assholes... Why not just call all your characters "Evil" and "Bad" next time?"

"...you could sell these people hookers in a vagina storm."

"Look out pop-culture! Bono has had enough of 'romantic love'."

""This sounds like the soundtrack of a coma." (On U2's song One Step Closer)"

"Most of the screen on a blog is blank for an imaginary populace of readers still using 640x480 resolution. I didn't buy a 19" monitor to have 50% of its screen realestate pissed away on firing white pixels, you assholes."

"Thank you Joe Nobody for giving me your expert opinion on what missile sounds like, because gas station superintendents are usually the best people to ask about the sonic signature of ballistic missile thrust."