Actors From Illinois

"On MySpace … the whole demographic of the stand-up comedy fan has changed. It's like an indie band thing. People think they've discovered you."

"It's like in most parts of America, where there was industry and there is no longer; there is cynicism mixed with sarcasm and some optimism. That's how my background influenced my comedy."

"People don't know who I am. Some people don't know I do standup. They just write that I'm that guy from those failed sitcoms. I always joke that 'I've never heard of me either.'"

"I didn't realize how much of a Hoosier or a Midwesterner I was until I moved to New York. It's weird -- growing up in Indiana, I wanted to get out, and now I completely romanticize Indiana. It just seems like there's a greater focus on family back there, which I suppose is something that kind of stayed with me."

"Hopefully, some of it has to do with us being good actors, too. There's some of it where you get lucky. You come on the job and there are people with you where there's a chemistry there."

"He's arguably one of the best stand-up comics in the country."

"As an actor, you deal with so much rejection and humiliation. When the good things come around, you tend not to trust your instincts."

"In Indiana, I wasn't anything special. But in New York, I've gone out with girls with purple hair who go out with me because I'm exotic!"

"Stand-up is an amazing art form, I think, because it's all about you having complete control of the situation, but absolutely none."

"I'd been acting and doing stand-up in New York about eight years, getting rejected, and I finally got the opportunity to do stand-up on Letterman, which holds even more importance for me. With comedians, that's definitely the pinnacle, but being from Indiana, it was a big to-do."

"Yeah, I am a character actor."

"I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat (would-be hecklers) to the punch."

"Not that I don't think irreverent humor and someone being filthy is funny, I just do what I do. Any comedian would admit throwing an f-bomb in there would help get a reaction. … I'm not on a Puritanical pursuit, but when I would curse in a joke, I believe I'm not done writing it."

"I do kind of aspire to do comedy that appeals to a wide range of audiences and doesn't divide people. I never want to do material that makes people laugh at the expense of making other people feel bad - not to say I'm not guilty of that at times. ... I try and make humor out of the really important issues of the day, like Hot Pockets and elevators and not wanting to get out of bed."

"I grew up in a family where no one was in the entertainment business. So stand-up and acting were seen as something unrealistic. I always thought it was just people in L.A. and New York that became actors or comedians."

"One thing I've always appreciated about Dave is that he can be sarcastic without being alienating and self-deprecating without being self-abusing."

"This isn't the old Mister Sunshine."

"Melancholic and lovable is the trick, right? You've got to be able to show that you have these feelings. In the game of life, you get these feelings and how you deal with those feelings. What you do when you are trying to deal with a melancholy. A melancholy can be sweet. It's not a mean thing, but it's something that happens in life — like autumn."

"I suppose we should never be horrified by what we see in the mirror. Or maybe we should never wish to be content with what we see in the mirror."

"I think that the online world has actually brought books back. People are reading because they're reading the damn screen. That's more reading than people used to do."

"I don't know what my fans are going to think. It's definitely not what they're used to from me."

"I think The Razor's Edge is a pretty good movie. But at the time, it was just as reviled as any other comedian doing a serious thing now. Like The Majestic [with Jim Carrey], movies where comedians go straight, people don't like them. It angers people, like you're taking something away from them. That's the response I got. I thought, "Well, aren't we all bigger than that?" I wasn't shocked by it, but I thought that the professional critics would be able to say, "OK, we shouldn't rule this out, because the guy normally does other stuff." Unless it's really despicable, then you have to just jump with both feet on the neck."

"I think romance basically starts with respect. And new romance always starts with respect. I think I have some romantic friendships. Like the song “Love the One You’re With”; there is something to that. It’s not just make love to whomever you’re with, it’s just love whomever you’re with. And love can be seeing that here we are and there’s this world here. If I go to my room and I watch TV, I didn’t really live. If I stay in my hotel room and watch TV, I didn’t live today."

"I always like to say to people who want to be rich and famous, try being rich first. See if that doesn't cover most of it."

"When Piedmont died, I had to pay him back for my life. I found out there's another debt to pay — for the privilege of being alive. I thought Sophie was my reward for trying to live a good life. Uh uh. There is no payoff — not now."

"I'm chasing Richard Pryor, man. I have not done—I still haven't done my version of his Long Beach concert. I've done some good stuff, but Richard Pryor in Long Beach? That's the greatest piece of stand-up ever done."

"As Richard Pryor jokes: "I was a kid until I was eight. Then I became a Negro.""

"Richard Pryor's Mudbone is one of the greatest pieces of comedy I've ever seen anyone do on a stage."

"Make sure the check you write to a charity doesn't pay for cruel experiments on animals. Your donation should help end suffering — not cause it."

"They were brought out of Africa and into chains in America. Or they were born into slavery here. Yes, I am talking about the first African-Americans to reach these shores, but I am also describing the animals now enslaved in circuses. The species and continents are different, but the stories are tragically similar. The animals in circuses are held against their will by chains and domination. They are forced to perform a series of acts by coercion and violence because they would never normally do these things on their own. They can never choose their own partners, their own homes, their own food or have control over any aspect of their lives. I don't care how this is dressed up by promoters with music and lights, it is still slavery."

"Sick of hearing this shit about me not talking... not true... good days, bad days... but I still am a talkin motherfucker!"

"I'd like to die like my father died... My father died fucking. My father was 57 when he died. The woman was 18. My father came and went at the same time."

"Have you ever noticed how quiet you get when you go in the woods? It's almost like you know that God's there."

"You gotta be cool when you're macho man, cuz you can't be sensitive and care about someone having a good time in bed, cuz that's too scary... When you don't use sensitivity when you're having sex, or share some of your soul, nothing gonna happen, because men really get afraid. Men really get scared in bed."

"Rosa Parks showed us all that one little person can make a whole bunch of noise without so much as a whisper. She showed the world that the color of your skin shouldn't determine what part of the bus you sit in... as you ride through life."

"When I was in Africa, this voice came to me and said, "Richard, what do you see?" I said, I see all types of people." The voice said, "But do you see any niggers?" I said, "No." It said, "Do you know why? 'Cause there aren't any.""

"When that fire hit your ass, it will sober your ass up quick! I saw something, I went, "Well, that's a pretty blue. You know what? That looks like... FIRE! Fire is inspirational. They should use it in the Olympics, because I ran the 100 in 4.3."

"There are only two pieces of pussy you're gonna get in your entire life, that's your first and your last."

"I went through every phone book in Africa, and I didn't find one god damned Pryor!"

"Why me? Ten million motherfuckers freebasing, and I'm the one who blows up!"

"I went to penitentiary one time, not me personally, but me and Gene went there for a movie. "Arizona State Penitentiary" Population: 80 percent black people. But there are no black people in Arizona, they have to bus motherfuckers in!"

"I don't want to go through life as a Wonder Wheel murderer!"

"The way he talked about race was so brutally honest and funny and unvarnished. It made me think that I had never encountered Asian identity being written in that way."

"I expected Dracula to come jumping out any second. If he did I'd have held up a cross, cause he's allergic to bullshit."

"Let me tell you what really happened... Every night before I go to bed, I have milk and cookies. One night I mixed some low-fat milk and some pasteurized, then I dipped my cookie in and the shit blew up."

"He will be missed not only by those who knew him and not only by the nation that he served so proudly and loved so deeply, but also by millions of men and women who live in freedom today because of the policies he pursued. Ronald Reagan had a higher claim than any other leader to have won the Cold War for liberty and he did it without a shot being fired. ... a truly great American hero."

"He's a big idol of mine. ... I campaigned for him. I handed out leaflets. I made phone calls in his behalf. This was at a time I wasn't even a citizen here. He made a tremendous impact on our country. ... It is easy to see how profoundly President Reagan changed the world. He made it safer, more free and gave hope and opportunity to millions."

"President Ronald Reagan will be remembered in the hearts of all Latvians as a fighter for freedom, liberty, and justice worldwide."

"Hungary and Europe do not forget Ronald Reagan's help and his support for the former Communist countries."

"He was great president who led the Cold War against communism to the victory of freedom and democracy... He was a good friend of the Japanese people as he respected Japan and its culture. The foundation of the Japan-U.S. alliance that now serves as a driving force to solve international issues with other countries was built during President Reagan's era."