"Wait. She calls you on her birthday?! That is very [censored]. On her birthday, she calls you?! "Hey, girl! It's Kamala. Anything you have to say to me that you should've said hours ago?""

"They had black Americans! Hispanic Americans! Asian Americans! Gay Americans! Jewish Americans! Palestinian Ame-- Oh. Now, to be fair, it was only four nights, eight hours a night. But really, it's best not to think about the consequences of our actions over there, especially given the theme of the week."

"Whatever you're feeling? Go with it. Whether that feeling is joy, or perhaps relief at having a chance when you had none is exhilarating."

"Oh, so which is it? Do the vibes fatten you up, or are they emotional Ozempic, which one? But I guess you're right. You can't feed your family on vibes. You can only feed your family on immigration fearmongering. You can't eat good vibes! I think you might be confusing vibes with the tomato-infused soup-adjacent fondue, the weapon of mass lactation that this city calls fucking pizza! I'll tell you that much! Yeah, that's right, motherfuckers! C'mon! C'mon! You want a piece?! You want a piece?! "Ey, ey. I wanna order a pizza." "Oh, yeah, you want a personal or a backyard pool size?""

"You spent two months riling up your base that our country had literally been stolen from them through fraudulent means, that you could never even get a whiff of in a court of law, and let—let yourself just abuse them. You pressed on. You abused their trust. You showed up for a speech? You fucking tweeted ‘Join me on Jan. 6. It will be wild.’ But suddenly now: ‘I was just a hired magician to do the bar mitzvah! I didn’t do anything. I showed up with a hat and a rabbit and then the whole party went out of control!’One thing will always be true, and it is the quality of the former president I respect the least: Whenever he is cornered and forced to face even the smallest of consequences for his own mendacity and scheming, he reverts to the greatest refuge of scoundrels. As Shaggy would say, ‘It wasn’t me!’"

"I just wanna point out, just as a matter of perspective, that the lessons that our pundits take away from these results, that they will pronounce with certainty, will be wrong. And we have to remember that!"

"My point is this: FUCK! But this isn't the end! I promise you, this is not the end. And we have to regroup, and we have to continue to fight and continue to work day in and day out to create the better society for our children, for this world, for this country, that we know is possible. It's possible."

"Honestly, I don't care why she lost; I care why he won. We have spent so much time diagnosing Donald Trump and what his actions say about him. He's a dictator, he's a fascist, he's a malignant narcissist whose blood type is fryer oil. But it's pretty clear that America is the one that needs the diagnosis, because whatever's wrong with him, we fucking love it. In this moment, Donald Trump is holding up a mirror to the American people and it might be time to make a good fucking hard look."

"The election that we just had was a repudiation of the status quo: an overly-regulated system that is no longer responsive, or delivering, for the needs of The People... government is theoretically a constitutional system of checks and balances between equally powerful branches. But what government actually is, is an overly-complicated, byzantine, bureaucratic maze of rules, loopholes to those rules, and norms; complex enough that 🄐 if you want to find a rule that keeps you from doing something, you'll find it; and 🄑 if you actually want to do something, you can find a loophole to get around said rule. And then the norms are just how often you've had to pull any of this shit."

"She doesn't know anyone who wakes up and think they want to bomb Iran. I don't know if she knows anyone who wakes up and thinks."

"It does say something about the ubiquity of Donald Trump in our lives that we don't hear from him for 20 minutes and we think..."he's dead!""

"[in response to Markwayne Mullin's saying that "speaking his mind" is what America loves about Donald Trump] No, that's what America loves about Dolly Parton! Transparent, speaks her mind...yet Dolly rarely jails her political enemies! I mean, Senator Markwayne...do you want to know how embarrassing your weak-kneed rationalizations for jailing political opponents ring? I'm gonna play you a clip of a fellow Senator. A fellow Republican Senator. Now, Ted Cruz has supported this President through insults to his own wife's looks and to his own father's loyalties. And yet still manages to maintain a modicum of self-respect when it comes to this President trampling all over our Constitution. Sir, it brings me no pleasure to have to play this.[clip of Ted Cruz saying that Brendan Carr's threats against free speech are "dangerous as hell"]FANTASTIC. Fantastic! Senator Ted Cruz boldly stating that the FCC Chairman threatening the licenses of broadcast networks is dangerous.I just want to say this to Trump's defenders: you don't have to bend over backwards to try to make Trump's authoritarian power grabs seem like the rule of law! He does not give a fuck anymore! He's saying it straight up! Trump is saying "people like dictators"! Trump is saying "I hate my opponents and I want them punished"! And Trump is saying "I'll use all the levers of government possible to accomplish that goal!" So you can get on board with THAT and say "I'm with that," or you can join the rest of us and you can fight like hell for this Constitution because let me tell you something, it is a form of representational government worth preserving and defending!"

"Jon: Perhaps we need to look back at our founders, and through their infinite wisdom, designed and operated a more mature system, with checks and balances, and a respect for all, that prevented this kind of corrosive infighting and radicalisation."

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