Old School

"[While performing the iron cross and smoking a cigarette] Still holding! STILL HOLDING!"

"Columbus wasn’t exactly looking for America, but that seemed to work out for everyone."

"He left me with a little something called herpes. Which I then gave to the dog. But that's neither here nor there."

"When I get back I'm going to show you something I like to call crouching tiger, hidden penis. [takes a drink of the water] You know I really liked that movie, 'cause of all the flying and the magic."

"Oh, that's funny to you? You won't be laughing when someone prematurely pops in your face. It stings. And that is now why I have a lazy eye."

"You can use a little teeth but we don't want to be a biter. Now ladies these carrots are not gonna ejaculate themselves. Get into it!"

"Ok ladies, the secret to a good BJ is focus. I don't care if we're talking about your husband of ten years or some hot sailor you met at TGI Fridays, who didn't call me back.."

"What are you doing? You're like Romulus sucking on the tit of the Motherwolf. If you know your Greek mythology."

"Who's hungry? Who's hungry?"

"Waiter: Love, it's a motherfucker, huh?"

"Waiter: And don't worry. For the Godfather, it's always on the house."

"Waiter: You are beautiful. But no offense, he, he is the king. You are having coffee and pie with a living legend."

"Wedding Singer: [singing] Fuckin' every now and then I fall apart and I need you now tonight. I fuckin' need you more than ever."

"Mark: [to little girl] This is yesterday's paper. When are you going to use your goddamn brains for once in your life? Hello. What are you retarded?"

"Mark: [after being caught with another woman] What are you gonna do? Tell on me? You know you can't buddy. It's guy code. That's something chicks do. You're not a chick are you? Ok. Good talk. I'll see you out there."

"Gordon Pritchard: Half these guys don't even go here and that one guy is like ninety."

"Booker: We've been waiting all semester for you to ask us."

"Dean Pritchard: I'm sorry is that funny? Are you a standup comic, is that what you do now? This is me leaving. This is me leaving."

"All the fun of college, none of the education."

"Why do men act like boys? Because they can."

"Luke Wilson - Mitch Martin"

"Will Ferrell - Frank 'The Tank' Ricard"

"Vince Vaughn - Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell"

"Jeremy Piven - Dean Gordon 'Cheese' Pritchard"

"Ellen Pompeo - Nicole"

"Juliette Lewis - Heidi"

"Leah Remini - Lara Campbell"

"Perrey Reeves - Marissa Jones"

"Craig Kilborn - Mark"

"Elisha Cuthbert - Darcie"

"Seann William Scott - Peppers"

"Matt Walsh - Walsh"

"Artie Lange - Booker"

"Patrick Cranshaw - Joseph 'Blue' Palasky"

"Jerod Mixon - Weensie"

"Rick Gonzalez - Spanish"

"Bryan Callen - Avi, the Waiter"

"Andy Dick - Garry, the Oral Sex Instructor"