"Joanna Cassidy - Captain Dewey"

"W. Earl Brown - Police Officer"

"Ray Combs - Game Show Host"

"[Opening Voiceover] A long, long time ago, Nosferatu, the undead, the race of the Vampire were driven from Egypt. Mos…"

"Interesting. I've been stabbed, and I've been hanged, and I've been burned. Even broken on the rack once, but I've ne…"

"[As Preacher Pauley] Evil is good, and ass is good, and if you find you a piece of evil ass, WOO!"

"[after being staked in gut] Let me give you an anatomy lesson. This [points] is my stomach. This [points] is my heart…"

"Ohh, betting on the the Knicks... when will you learn?"

"[cornered by Maximillian] Hey, yo, man I don't know how you know me, but, uh, everything is everything. I ain't seen …"

"Welcome to the party, Unc. Now let's get this show on the road...There's a new Vampire in Brooklyn, and his name is J…"