"I read in an interview with Hugh Grant, he said he doesn't smile because it makes his face look fat. So I didn't smil…"

"Apparently, there are good and bad comas. And the kind that they put her in, the medically induced ones, are definite…"

"Look at me. Look me in the eyes when you fuck me! Look at me. PLEASE! (after fast-food worker refuses his order)"

"It’s just really hard to do standup comedy when your girlfriend is in a coma."

"Naveed Nanjiani: Listen to yourself. You hardly sound Pakistani. "Cookies"? You sound like Julia Louis-Dreyfus. You'r…"

"An Awkward True Story"

"Kumail Nanjiani — Kumail Nanjiani"

"Zoe Kazan — Emily Gardner"

"Ray Romano — Terry Gardner"

"Holly Hunter - Beth Gardner"