"Sometimes, I can admit if I love Hansi's ass so much, then it's because I want God to curse it. I now associate joy... That faraway joy in God that I knew... I admit they're both equally holy. Her ass makes me realize I never really loved God. I liked the idea of being abandoned by God. I was reciting catechism, that's all. God is something other than my old prayers. He is my way of losing my senses. By loving Hansi, I hope to slowly lose my senses. In a slow way, but not lifeless, you know. A choppy slowness. Choppy and scalp-tingling. It doesn't always make me happy. I don't think I lose my senses more with Hansi than with God. I don't know if you wanted to guide me toward this slowness. Maybe you think Hansi isn't perverse enough for me."
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Ma Mère
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