"Sounds great. Who the fuck is John Malkovich?"

"Do you have any idea what it's like to have two people look at you, with total lust and devotion, through the same pa…"

"Behind the stubble and the too-prominent brow and the male-pattern baldness... I sensed your feminine longing. And it…"

"Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate."

"Orson Bean — Dr. Lester"

"Maxine. Maxine. I love you, Maxine. Oh, look away. Look away [Looking through Emily's eyes at the end]"

"Mary Kay Place — Floris (Lester's secretary/receptionist)"

"I'd fuck me. [Watching television documentary on his puppeteering when he's in John Malkovich's body.]"

"Do you see what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is?"

"Help! He's locking me in a cage!"