"They made a movie after that second miscarriage, that went directly to video. So they sort of shot themselves in the foot, the kidneys, the liver and the pancreas on the second one. If you had a finer mind working on them? The girl, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, she was sweet. In the second movie they dressed her like a homeless person. You knew it wasn't gonna go well."

"Bill Murray — Voice of Garfield"

"Breckin Meyer — Jon"

"Jennifer Love Hewitt — Liz"

"Billy Connolly — Lord Dargis"

"Tim Curry — Voice of Prince the 12th"

"Bob Hoskins — Voice of Winston"

"Ian Abercrombie — Smithee"

"Roger Rees — Mr. Hobbs"

"Lucy Davis — Ms. Westminister"

"Rhys Ifans — Voice of McBunny"

"Oliver Muirhead — Mr. Greene"

"Vinnie Jones — Voice of Rommel"

"Joe Pasquale — Voice of the Claudius"

"Gregg Berger (vocal effects; uncredited) — Odie"

"[To a young boy in the hallway] Oh, stop smiling! This isn't a Happy Place! [Knocks the boy's books to the ground]"

"Because of yesterday's crimes against the school, instigated by your former classmate, Max Keeble, the following extracurricular activities are now suspended: Art! Music! P.E.! FUN!! Suspended! Discontinued!! DEFUNCT!!"

"[To Max] You're a smart little boy...[leans forward] but so am I."

"[To Max] I'm going to come up with a punishment to you that is so severe that future generations will refer to it as...The Keeble."

"[like Jack Torrance] Heeeeeeeeeeeeere's Jinny!"

"[To Robe] Hello, freak!"

"Keeble, I worked really hard on that display."

"Told you it was gonna happen sooner or later, didn't I? Yes, I did! Yes, I did!"

"[To Robe] It's gonna be a long year for you, slim. I'm gonna pound you every day, and all thanks to your good friend, Keeble. Catch ya round, huh?"

"[As a child, at Max's 4th birthday party] MacGoogles ate Max's daddy!"

"I pound on kids. That's what I do. That's what I do! This can't happen to me. You know what they're calling me out there? The McGoogler!"

"Keeble! Caught your act in the assembly! Looks like you could use some help with managing your portfolio."

"Man, why don't you go get a real job, fool?"

"Man, I thought I told you, their lunch money is mine, vendor."

"[To Megan] Let's just round it off to all your money forever! From here on in, you work for me."

"Alex D. Linz as Max Keeble"

"Larry Miller as Principal Elliot T. Jindrake"

"Jamie Kennedy as The Evil Ice Cream Man"

"Josh Peck as Robe"

"Zena Grey as Megan"

"Robert Carradine as Donald "Don" Keeble"

"Nora Dunn as Lily Keeble"

"Noel Fisher as Troy McGinty"

"Orlando Brown as Dobbs"

"Justin Berfield as Caption writer"

"Brooke Anne Smith as Jenna"

"[To his father] If you rise up and show that you're not afraid...those people...will no longer have control over your lives."

"Lil' Romeo as himself (cameo)"