"[On the School TV] Attention, students, this is Max Keeble speaking. First, I'd like to say to my friends, Megan and Robe, that I, I know that I acted like a jerk, and I'm sorry for ever getting you involved in this. I screwed up, but you guys are my best friends, and that's forever. [Jindrake is walking through the halls] I don't know what else to say, but I'm sorry. [Jindrake stops and backs up to see the TV] Probably doesn't matter to you anymore, but I'm not moving. [Jindrake: [Notices Max on the TV and runs to the office] KEEBLE!] And McGinty and Dobbs. It's me you want, so leave my friends alone. I may have run before, but I am all through running now. You want me, I'll be at the parking lot, 3:00."

"[Jindrake: You've acted like a criminal, so I'm going to treat you like a criminal.] [Jindrake points model cannon at Max] I'm not a criminal. People who do crimes are criminals, like you."

"[To Ms. Dingman] If you're ever in the windy city, [Kisses her hand] look me up."

"[Sees a Coca Cola can rolling on the bus floor] Sweet! A can!"

"[To Max] Plausable Deniability...yeah, did you just make that up?"

"[To McGinty and Dobbs] No more being pushed around! No more being stepped on on! No more...Mr. Not...Nice guy!"

"[Looks at his fingers] I can't feel my fingers."

"[To Megan in class] McGinty says he's gonna pound me every day for the rest of my life."

"Max...where's your Bassoon?"

"[To garbage covered Max] This is a bad Junior High! I can't believed McGinty did that to you!"

"[To Robe in class] Dobbs says I have to give him all my money...[Irritable sigh] forever."

"[Repeated line] CEASE!"

"And now, an announcement from your principal. This is Principal Jindrake. All students will report to the assembly hall during third period for a special presentation. Attendance is mandatory. All must attend. Not attending is prohibited. That is all. Thank you."

"This Thursday, Superintendent Knebworth will be here to inspect the school. And so I am upgrading my policy of zero tolerance to one of...sub-zero tolerance, which is more than zero."

"And now, without any further ado...what's that I hear? The pitter-patter of little feet? Allow me to introduce to you the newest addition to the Curtis Junior High School Cottontails! Three foreign exchange students from Eastern Europe and their names are...unimportant because they're here to lead us to gridiron glory! Why, all they need is a place to play! Students, I give you your new football stadium!"

"I've got my eye on you, Max Keeble. You're on my list."

"You may be under the impression that I encourage horseplay and malarky. I don't encourage it. I ex-courage it. It means the opposite of encourage. Look it up. And so, young man, remember, study rhymes with buddy. Scram."

"I don't care what you want me to do. The smelly goat will never get my car! Ever!"

"I'm closing down the shelter, silly boy!"

"And let me just remind the citizens of Curtis Junior High that we are now T-minus...several hours until the Superintendent Knebworth visit. That is all. Thank you."

"Who?! WHO STARTED THIS?! If the culprit does not step forward THIS INSTANT, SWIFT and HORRIBLE RETRIBUTION awaits EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!!!"