"Priest/Adrian: In today's gospel, the Lord tells us how we should live if we wish to attain the splendor of Heaven…or something like that. Jesus this, Moses that, Abraham hit me with a wiffle ball bat! [hums a silly tune]"

"[Whispering into the ear of a possessed girl] This is Constantine. John Constantine, asshole."

"Beeman: [his last lines] I know you never had much faith, John, you never had much reason to. But that doesn't mean we never had any faith… in you."

"Balthazar: [as he chokes John to death] Don't fight it, Johnny boy, enjoy it."

"Balthazar: [after being sprayed with Dragon's Breath] Fire? I was born of this!"

"Balthazar: Word is… you're on your way down. Fresh meat. [puts fingers in his mouth, hisses, and leans forward] Finger lickin' good."

"No. You will live, John Constantine. You will live. You will have the chance to prove that your soul truly belongs in hell. Oh, you will live. You will live…"

"So what do you want? An extension?"

"When my sister and I were little, we'd leave messages with light and breath."

"I always denied I could see."

"[Voice over] I guess there's a plan for all of us. I had to die—twice—just to figure that out. Like the book says, He works in mysterious ways. Some people like it… some people don't."

"[Speaking to God] I know I'm not one of Your favorites, and I'm not welcome in Your house, but I could use a little attention, please."

"[As Midnite holds him up against a wall] Is this neutral? Bullshit! You're the only one playing by the rules, Midnite. And while you've been imitating Switzerland, people are dying. [Midnite lets him slump to the ground] Two hundred dollar shirt, by the way."

"You don't need His protection. It'll be like back in the day."

"[Flips off demon] For your boss."

"Heaven and hell are right here, behind every wall, every window, the world behind the world. And we're smack in the middle."

"Angels and demons can't cross over into our plane. So instead we get what I call "half-breeds". The influence peddlers. They can only whisper in our ears. A single word can give you courage, or turn your favorite pleasure into your worst nightmare. Those with the demon's touch and those part angel, living alongside us. They call it The Balance. I call it hypocritical bullshit."

"He always had a rotten sense of humor. And His punchlines are killers."

"Impossible rules, endless regulations. Who goes up, who goes down? And why?"

"[Traps a spider under a cigarette-smoke filled glass] Welcome to my life."

"Peter Stormare – Lucifer"

"Tilda Swinton – Gabriel"

"Gavin Rossdale – Balthazar"

"Pruitt Taylor Vince – Father Hennessy"

"Max Baker – Beeman"

"Djimon Hounsou – Midnite"

"Shia LaBeouf – Chaz Kramer"

"Rachel Weisz – Angela Dodson/Isabel Dodson/Mammon"

"Keanu Reeves – Jonny Constantine"

"The wager between heaven and hell is on Earth."

"Hell wants him. Heaven won't take him. Earth needs him."

"Possessed Girl: Papatayin natin siya."

"Midnite: [laughing, to John, regarding Chaz] Take him, John. Kill him after."

"Midnite: [shouts] You know the rules of my house! [normal voice] While here, you will abide by them."

"Midnite: [after learning of Constantine's cancer] I thought I heard thunder last night. Must have been Satan's stomach growling."

"Father Hennessy: Hey, John, I think I found you one."

"Chaz Kramer: [last words] You're right, John. It's not like in the books."

"Chaz Kramer: [to midnite's knocked-out bouncer] Who's the rat in a dress now, bitch?"

"Chaz Kramer: This is Kramer. Chas Kramer. Asshole."