"Are you insane?! Look at Jules's dating record. She dated Dan Remmeck, who's had a six-pack since like kindergarten; Jason Stone, who looks like Zack Morris; and Matt Muer, he's the sweetest guy! Have you ever stared into his eyes? It was like the first time I heard the Beatles."

"What, you think Becca's going to be psyched that you brought a bottle of lube? "Oh, Evan! Thank you so much for bringing that lube for my pussy! I could never handle your fucking four-inch dick inside my pussy without your gigantic bottle of LUBE!" These girls are 18 years old. They aren't dried up old ladies, man. They're good to go!"

"Michael Cera - Evan"

"Do you have any normal-sized clothes or do you only shop at the Baby Gap?"

"We shouldn't be cock-blocking McLovin, we should be guiding his cock."

"Christopher Mintz-Plasse - Fogell (a.k.a. "McLovin")"

"Joe Phua as Band Camp Student (uncredited)"

"Lily Mariye - Dr. Susan Choi"

"Richard Keith - Trading Card Bandie"

"Rachel Veltri - Dani"

"Crystle Lightning - Chloe"

"Dossett March - Andy"

"Matt Barr - Brandon Vandercamp"

"Lauren C. Mayhew - Arianna"

"Angela Little - Sheree"

"Jason Earles - Ernie Kaplowitz"

"Ginger Lynn - Camp Nurse Sanders"

"Jennifer Walcott - Bathroom Girl"

"Matthew Herb - Shower Guy"

"Arielle Kebbel - Elyse Houston"

"Omar Benson Miller - Oscar"

"This One Time at Band Camp…"

"We didn't have MTV when I was growing up. So maybe it's the overstimulated times that we live in that causes young men to stick their... instruments in such... odd places. I knew a certain young man once who actually engaged in sexual congress with an apple pie, and he turned out just fine. So, uhh... you're perfectly normal."

"Tad Hilgenbrinck - Matthew "Matt" Stifler"

"Eugene Levy - Noah Levenstein (aka "Jim's Dad")"

"Jun Hee Lee - James Chong"

"[to Elyse and Stifler] Let me see if I have this straight. Elyse, you think Matt is an arrogant jock who wears his penis on his forehead just to gain the approval of his sociopathic older brother. And Matt, you think Elyse is an uptight, geeky prude who needs to, uh, loosen up a bit and get laid. [To Elyse] Excuse the expression, dear. Is that close to being on the money?"

"Chris Owen - Chuck Sherman"

"You know you're like your brother Steve? And I don't think those are the shoes you should be so eager to fill. You know the people Steve thought were his friends? Really didn't like him very much. But I think you're different. I think people wanna like you, Matt, you just make it really hard."

"Curtis Armstrong — Dudley "Booger" Dawson"

"From a preview trailer as the 20th Century Fox introduction plays: Star Wars. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, The Sound of Music: 20th Century Fox has had a long and proud tradition of showing uplifting movies about facing up to prevailing odds. Now in this manner, we are pleased to present another timeless film to this lineup: Revenge of the Nerds!"

"Let the battle begin!"

"The time has come for REVENGE OF THE NERDS"

"Their time has come!"

"It's time for the odd to get even!"

"They've been laughed at, picked on and put down. But now it's time for the odd to get even! Their time has come!"

"You know, when you were a baby in your crib, your father looked down upon you and had one wish: "Someday my son will grow up to be a man". Well look at you now; you just got your asses whipped, by a bunch of goddamn nerds. [removes hat and throws it against wall] NERDS!! Well, if I were you I would do something about it. I would get up and redeem myself in the eyes of my father, my Maker, and my coach!"

"[singing] Clap your hands everybody, and everybody clap your hands. We are Lambda Lambda Lambda and Omega Mu. We come here on stage tonight to do our show for you. We got a rocking rhythm and a hi-tech sound that will make you move your body down to the ground. We got Poindexter on the violin, and Lewis and Gilbert will be joining in. We got Booger Presley on the mean guitar and a rap by little ol' me Lamar. We got Takashi beating on his gong, the boys and the Mu's are clapping along. And just when you thought, ya seen it all, along comes a Lambda four foot tall. So Wormser come on out here on the floor, so we can move our bodies, like never before. Break!"

"We've got bush! We've got bush!"