"What, you think Becca's going to be psyched that you brought a bottle of lube? "Oh, Evan! Thank you so much for bringing that lube for my pussy! I could never handle your fucking four-inch dick inside my pussy without your gigantic bottle of LUBE!" These girls are 18 years old. They aren't dried up old ladies, man. They're good to go!"

"Are you insane?! Look at Jules's dating record. She dated Dan Remmeck, who's had a six-pack since like kindergarten; Jason Stone, who looks like Zack Morris; and Matt Muer, he's the sweetest guy! Have you ever stared into his eyes? It was like the first time I heard the Beatles."

"Do you have any normal-sized clothes or do you only shop at the Baby Gap?"

"I am going to give you the best blow J ever. With my mouth."

"[Breaking up a party] I assume you all have guns and crack... Okay, everyone! Prepare to be fucked by the long dick of the law!"

"We shouldn't be cock-blocking McLovin, we should be guiding his cock."

"[pointing gun at Evan and Seth] Spread your shit! Get on the ground! Loaded gun! Ready to go! Spread your shit! Pussies on the pavement, fellas!"

"Jonah Hill - Seth"

"Michael Cera - Evan"

"Christopher Mintz-Plasse - Fogell (a.k.a. "McLovin")"

"Bill Hader - Officer Slater"

"Seth Rogen - Officer Michaels"

"Emma Stone - Jules"

"Martha MacIsaac - Becca"

"Kevin Corrigan - Mark"

"Joe Lo Truglio - Frankie"