"Is it a drain specialist? Is it a road sweeper? No,it's Super Brainiac! The result of a mistake in a laboratory. His mission: to rid the world of toxic caravans!"

"So, can (insert name here) still do his/her glitzy day job whilst being electrocuted? Yes/No."

"...that won the Nobel Prize - for pebble dashing."

"(alarm blares) Stop! (Hammond appears on screen) The following experiment is dangerous. Do not try this at home. (disappears, then reappears) No, really, don't."

"...that snorkels in cesspits."

"(alarm blares) Stop! (Hammond appears on screen) The following experiment is dangerous. For your safety and the protection of those around you, do not try this at home. (disappears, then reappears) No, really, don't."

"...a lot harder when you're being electrocuted."

"47-Second Science - tackling life's big questions in bite-sized chunks."

"Is it a day-glow ninja? Is it a flourescent madman? Yes,it's Super Brainiac! The result of an experiment that trebled his IQ to 42! His mission: to rid the world of toxic caravans!"

"Well, it would be cruel to kill a car-so let's kill a caravan."

"...that wipes its bottom on science's face flannel."

"...that gently nibbles on the toes of science - and then bites its leg off."

"Stop! (Vic Reeves blows party whistle) The following recipe is dangerous. Do not try this at home...or anywhere else for that matter!"

"This is a car. It's been specially chosen to be destroyed because it's old, it's white, but more importantly, because it's French."

"I love science - not all that "what do you get if you mix this chemical with that chemical?" nonsense - [throws away the science magazine he was reading] I mean, proper science, like this - [picking up the tabloid newspaper on his lap] there's this bloke, German scientist, Franz Epping...he's come up with this theory that, staring at a woman's breasts for 30 minutes is the equivalent of a 30-minute workout. [closes the paper as camera zooms in on Hammond's face] Now that is an experiment I really wanna do."

"Super brainiac: saving the world with science!"

"Jon (at the start of every teaser): Here's one for you..."

"Thaila Zucchi: one more act you can't do when receiving electric shocks."

"...a vampire bat in the underpants of science."

"...that tied science to the railway tracks and then boarded the 6:15 to Scarborough."

"...that took Sir Isaac Newton's apple and turned it into cider."

"...that finds the quietest spot in the library, and spontaneously combusts."

"...that zooms past speed cameras in science's car."

"...a yellow stain on the sports sock of science."

"...a third nipple on the hairy chest of science."

"...a backstreet liposuction on the pudgy guts of science."

"...that tells its girlfriend not to wait up."

"...that doesn't curtsy to the Queen."

"...that's a bit like a school science lesson, without the teacher, the classroom...or the science."

"...that does for science what five pints of lager does for ugly women."

"...that takes science by the ankles, and dangles it over a crocodile swamp."

"...that puts science in tight underpants, and gives it a wedgie."

"...where we blow things up and then have a good look inside."

"...where we poke our nose into other people's business."

"...where we light the fuse and then leg it."

"...that never bothers to read the instructions."

"...predicted by Nostradamus."

"...that wipes its nose on the sleeve of science."