Satirists From The United States

"if you drop a chicken cutlet on the floor it absorbs all kinds of dirt & particles that make it undesirable. Thats sort of how AI works"

"Buffalo wild wing gets $0 tip for serving "Bones" to me in chicken, if i had wanted to eat bones i would take my Ass to the grave yard"

"i refuse to consume any product that has been created by, or is claimed to have been created by, the (((Keebler Elves)))"

"the human mind... perhaps the most powerful weapon. second only to the "GUN""

"the coolest thing the police ever did was invent their own flag thats just a desecrated version of the american flag"

"1st grade: Mastered. 2nd Grade: MAstered. 3rd Grade: Mastered. 4th Grade: Heres when they start trying to trick you 5th Grade:This ones hard"

"girls always love to telling people not to" Mansplain" but they do not care of, "Man's Pain""

"if you ask me this election could end about 100 different ways: 1) trump gets 0% of the vote 2) trump gets 1% of the vote 3) trump gets 2% o"

"trying to heal..... please donate to my go fund me... $10 will make me less racist... $100 will make me extremely less racist...thank you..."

"playing the worlds most normal sized violin"

"ive flattened the curve over 100 times. what have you pricks been doing"

"every generation deserves at least 5 movies named "Spider Man 2""

"if you ask me many of Americans have been wearing the mask even before from covid 19. the mask i refer to is of course the clown's mask."

"one thing the gamer world is certainly agreeing of, is that halo infinite is sure to be the highest numbered halo game yet"

"thinking about a "Cock Ring" for the neck that strangles all the blood into your brain and gives you what is essentially a mental erection"

"(hearing about a guy who died) wow thats like 0.0003 9/11s"

"everyone less mentally ill than me is Privileged, everyone more mentally ill than me is Toxic, everyone equally mentally ill to me is Cool"

"how about instead of drop the ball on new years we drop the damn gas prices for onve"

"ive generated over 100,000 wordles in my head and completed them easily. what more can i say of it"

"marijuana did columbine"

"you call this shit rotisserie chicken? I bet this shit hasnt even rotated 1 time in its entire life."

"(suddenly becoming very somber) no Woman should have to pay over $10 for a Brassiere."

"i really dont care what Yankee Doodle did when he went to town. His toxic fanbase tells me everything I need to know about him ."

"Bad news folks! i waited in line for 16 hours to see the queen. But by the time i got there she was fuckin DEAD!!!!!!"

"ripleys suck my dick or not"

"you just paid $8 to eat my ass stupid #BlockTheBlue"

"using the toilet when i hear Our national anthem start to play. i do what i must. i stand tall in complete agony; as shit runs down my leg,"

"im afraid you do not grasp the enormity of who it is you are dealing with. (removes diaper,. revealing two sub-diapers ) Shall we continue.."

"ME: there is a new type of beer called "Wine" shirtless guy witht 104 followers: Shut the fuck up ME: Yes sir"

"issuing correction on a previous post of mine, regarding the terror group ISIL. you do not, under any circumstances, "gotta hand it to them""

"theres a popular nursery rhyme in which the singer claims to be a teapot. this, for many children, is their first experience with "Trolling""

"they are going to start calling the damn gas prices "Gasp prices" because thats what i do when i see then"

"donlad trump reportedly says that normal type pokemon are a waste of time. they're just dirty birds & rats who have no right being a pokemon"

"Politic's is back baby. It's good again. Awoouu (wolf Howl)"

"DOCTOR: you cant keep doing this to yourself. being The Last True Good Boy online will destroy you. you must stop posting with honor ME: No,"

"the jduge orders me to take off my anonymous v mask & im wearing the joker makeup underneath it. everyone in the courtroom groans at my shit"

"ah, So u persecute just because he has different beliefs? Do Tell. (girls get mad at me) Sorry. Im sorry. Im trying to remove it"

"its fucked up how there are like 1000 christmas songs but only 1 song aboutr the boys being back in town"

"so long suckers! i rev up my motorcylce and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely dead on the pavement"

"reading a 900 page book on Dry Rubs and immediately forgetting all of it and just dumping a shit load of cocoa pebbles on my ribs"

"and another thing: im not mad. please dont put in the newspaper that i got mad."

"i think it would be fucking stupid to be a fat ass caterpillar and have your entire body be made out of weak points"

"user named " beavis_sinatra " has been terrorizing me since 2004, by sending me pictures of cups that are too close to the edge of the table"

"do not be afraid to talk to that lonely boy on the train ... with the rosy red cheeks, sun glasses & big cigar... he just mmight be... angel"

"look, im not saying that martin luther king jr was a gamer. that would be ludicrous. im simply saying that if games had existed at the time,"

"who cares. pick up a foot ball"

"the entire time youre watching the movie 101 Dalmatians, youre just thinking, This is so many more dalmations than usual. It is just fucked"

"i deserve th e most mentally ill president imaginable. 99 year old babbling doofus. Send us into the volcano sir"

"many claim to have seen me walking around the Las Vegas strip with a Device attached to my penis. This is untrue #NoDevice"

"[man leans into doorway of WTC bathroom] "Hey, you gotta finish up in there. 9/11 is happening." "Alright. Just a sec.""