Playwrights From The United States

"Eat this great bowl of emptiness."

"I, George Smith, hereby make known my last will and testicle. First off I should like to rear up and haunt all those who tried to screw me up while living. Special attention to be given those fuck pigs who have communicated with me by letter attempting thereby to get funds from my unrelenting clutches."

"All I want Is one break Which is not My neck."

"And I've something to tell you in strict confidence so spread it everywhere."

"Now kneel down in that booth while I give ye me special yule blessing. Get down in that booth. I know you're standing, you dirty ould cheat. Get down. For Jesus, what are you doing, ripping the phone out? Repeat after me, the Lord is my shepherd as I am one of his sheared sheep." "The Lord is my shepherd as I am one of his sheared sheep."

"They say there is good in everyone. If you just give them a chance. And a good boot in the arse."

"What are you going to do in London?" "Rest from the eyes. Ever notice the eyes along the street. Ever notice them? Looking for something. And in this fine cultured city it's me."

"How small we make our worlds. Gather them in, tighten them up into little castles of fear."

"Life getting like a merrygoround with people getting on and off and no one paying for the ride."

"Turn to gangsterism." "Sebastian, I couldn't." "Tone, pride has you at its mercy." "Has me by the very ballocks." "Tony, I think a pint would see us right." "I think you're right for the first time since you last said that."

"I comforted her with readings from this Aquinas because he says it's good for you. And I said, tenderly earwards, heads on the pillow, that from manure, lilies grow. To know the real goodness one had to be bad and of sin. What good is it to God for a child to be born pure, to live purely and die purely. Where was the grace in that shallow, white sterility? You don't want that stuff. No. Get down it, down. The greatest whiteness is touched with black. The righteous were a sneaky bunch anyway."

"I'm suspicious about people interested in saving other people's souls."

"What the hell have I got to show for all the time I've been over here? Nothing. And it's because of people like you. The Irish are all the same wherever they go. Faces compressed into masks of suffering. Complaining and excuses. And the Irish rasping, squabbling and bickering. Hear me? I'm sick of it. I hate it. I thought you got places where you learned to be an electrician. Good steady job. Good money. Have kids. I don't want kids. I don't want to be sucked down. And listen to some priested mick saying this is the second Sunday after Pentecost, there will be a communion breakfast next Sunday, and I want to see you all put a dollar in the basket. And every time I get a chance to get out of it, something screws me."

"Takes two to congress."

"It would seem in life when all is said and done that it is unwise to speak to anyone if it can be avoided."

"Reach up to put a hand to some dream you kept awake. Now you take it like a red ripe apple and polish quietly up and down one's sleeve."

"Hearts clicking. Remember that. Just so many times and click, we go away in this roofless world."

"Mr Dangerfield, why don't you believe in hell and things like that?" "Hell is for poor people."

"And dear God Give me strength To put my shoulder To the wheel And push Like the rest."

"They crossed the street and O'Keefe bought an Irish Times and moved jauntily over the bridge, both filled with a torrent of words bled from O'Keefe's excitement and memories of Dublin. They looked a curious pair and a group of small boys called after them, Jews, Jews, and O'Keefe spun back with an accusing finger, Irish, Irish, and they stood barefoot in silence. "That's what I like about Ireland, so open about hatreds.""

"But Jesus, when you don't have any money, the problem is food. When you have money, it's sex. When you have both it's health, you worry about getting rupture or something. If everything is simply jake then you're frightened of death."

"Across the Butt Bridge. Covered with torn newspapers and hulking toothless old men watching out the last years. They're bored. I know you've been in apprenticeships and that there was a moment when you were briefly respected for an opinion. Be in the sight of God soon. He'll be shocked. But there's happiness up there, gentlemen. All white and gold. Acetylene lighted sky. And when you go, go third class. You damn bastards."

"The inhabitants will always see both sides of an argument so long as it can result in a fight."

"By all means come in, Kenneth." "Some place. What holds it up?" "Faith."

"Four o'clock on this oblong Tuesday, Sebastian pushing through the door of a secret public house, moved cautiously to an empty space at the bar. Bartender suspiciously approaching him. "I want a triple Irish, Gold Label. Quickly please." "Sir, I'm afraid I can't serve you." "You what?" "Can't serve you, sir, rules of the house, you've had enough to drink." "I've had enough to drink? What on earth do you mean?" "I think, sir, you've had sufficient unto your needs now. I think you've had enough now." "This is contemptible." "Peacefully sir, now. Keep the peace. When you're sober, sir, now, be very glad to serve you. Little sleep. You'll be fine." "Frightful outrage. Are you sure you're not drunk yourself?" "Now sir, a place and time for everything." "Well for Jesus sake." Sebastian turned from the bar pushed out through the door and along the street. In dazed condition."

"Reach over and press this buzzer for action. A young man's raw face flicked around the door. "Good morning, Mr. Dangerfield." "A fine spring morning, a double and some Woodbines." "Certainly, sir. Early today?" "Little business to attend to." "It's always business isn't it." "O aye." Some fine cliches there. Should be encouraged. Too many damn people trying to be different. Coining phrases when a good platitude would do and save anxiety."

"Rid the mind of knowledge when looking for pleasure. Or start thinking and find a lot of pain."

"I got disappointed in human nature as well and gave it up because I found it too much like my own."

"Writing is turning one's worst moments into money."

"On Being Old. It's not nice but take comfort that you won't stay that way for ever."

"A change of scene is good for a change of mind."

"And there. Caught in the morning sun. She goes. Galloping. Her hair flying from her head as Dingle's flows out from his mane. A gleaming black body rippling of muscle. Great long legs stretching out on the emerald turf."

"I know this is a dreadful inconvenience for you, Miss Frost. I want you to know I really appreciate it. I have till now counted my friends on a hand of amputated fingers."

"You have Mel Brooks and your Marx Brothers and your Larry David. So it's affected it enormously and really not at all. I don't think I've ever done anything comedically where the joke of it had to do with Judaism and Jewishness, but there's definitely a proud tradition of comedy in the Jews."

"We were not aware of YouTube until "Lazy Sunday." We’d had our own website with streaming capabilities. After "Lazy Sunday," we were like, "Why are we paying for bandwidth and shit?""

"I want to give [my records] all away before some fool plays disco at my funeral, and then the record gets stuck, and nobody can tell, and the service goes on forever!"

"Reverend Lawson:This entire book is nothing but young men doing homosexual things together. Bill: Well, what else could they do together?"

"Reverend Lawson:You lured those boys in here and made filth of them! Bob: We don't think human bodies is filth until they're corpses, Reverend Lawson! Bill: We loved every inch of those boys. Bob: Every chance we got. Bill: And we sent them away to war, since they had to go, with every surface of them— Bob: Tinglin' with kisses an' love."

"Bob: People came here for religious freedom, and we worshipped those boys."

"God, think of the great men that have nibbled on me, and now I'm nothing but a snack for a virus - something that can't even decide if it's a plant or an animal."

"Don't bother answering back. Anything said to me at this point might as well be written on a decomposing squash. The brain goes first, you know -- except the portions dedicated to pain, which are apparently immune."

"I tried to make up by offering to be a subject for any cute tricks that science might want to try. And [the doctor] said, "Mr. Wood, we cannot use you as an experimental animal," and I tod him, "Doc, I’m an effeminate queer, I’ve never been used as anything else!""

"For people like us it is necessary to be a bit stronger, more self-critical, more observant than the usual run. Whether we happen to come already enhanced with these qualities, as some have claimed, or whether our situation invests them in us, we have traditionally - and we do have a long and proud tradition - been a little finer, a little firmer, more sensitive and flexible than others... There will be times when only your own spine can support you, moments when only your own wit can inspire you, days when nothing but exacting self-control can raise you from bed, nights when nothing but your word can impel you into society. But of all these disciplines, there is nothing you must hold to more sternly than to be kind and sympathetic. The easiest armor to put on is always cruelty. That armor will, indeed, see you through everything. Vicious condescension toward those without your strength can make you feel momentarily superior. But that easy armor must be forgone. Don't ever curdle that creamy brow with lines of easy disdain, or curl those lips with a popular sneer. Of all the models available, the one of gentleman in our late war is most succinct: Face what you have to face with humor, dignity, and style; protect yourself with knightly grace; have contempt for your own weakness and never encourage it in others; but never, Ralph, never for an instant permit yourself to feel anything other than pity and deepest sympathy for unfortunate comrades who have, after all, fallen in the same battle."

"When I was just a little girl in East Bay, California, I noticed that East Bay was pig Latin for “beast.” But I knew I had found my niche when I realized that Alice Faye was pig Latin for "phallus.""

"Reverend Lawson: You men are homosexual! Bob (correcting the Reverend): Homosexuals."

"It's my party and I'll die if I want to!"

"If you have to do something, write me a funny AIDS play. Sure you can. It's the biggest joke played on us since sex itself - and with the longest punch line."

"Must one go through the five official stages? What are those five stages again: "anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance." Well, back up: here comes my acceptance speech. "I am now, and I have always been a flaming faggot, responsible for style in its every manifestation. I have my own five steps: flippancy, sentimentality, sarcasm, camp, and smut. They've got me through life, and deity dammit, they'll get me through death!""

"You're right, you're always right, yes, yes, of course. Love will survive. They couldn't kill it with purple hair-do's, they can't kill it with a plague. Boys will fall in love with each other's earlobes if all else should fail. Because it never really was about sex, was it? It was about love."

"Always warm up the audience with a joke....If you are not a particularly funny person, make sure that you inform them that it's a joke...."