Playwrights From England

"Cedant arma togæ, concedat laurea linguæ."

"He that readeth good writers, and pickes out their flowers for his owne nose, is lyke a foole."

"A bad excuse is better, they say, than none at all."

"The Harpies have Virgins faces, and vultures Talentes."

"To have fall'n, my country crying, He has play'd an English part, Had been better far than dying Of a griev'd and broken heart."

"Poets are the whetstones of wit."

"Love has forc'd Heroes to forget their valour, and Philosophers their systems—no wonder he shou'd make a Woman forget her wrinkles."

"The Syrens song is the Saylers wrack."

"He is forced to go whom the devil drives."

"After-wittes are ever best."

"One wide water all around us: All above us one black sky; Different deaths at once surround us: Hark! what means that dreadful cry?"

"Fill it up, about ship wheel it, Close to our lips a brimmer join: Where's the tempest now, who feels it? None — the danger's drown'd in wine."

"'Tis good to have a cloake for the raine, a bad shift is better then none at all, Ile sit heere as if I were as dead as a doore naile."

"Pleasure is a sweet tickling of sense, with a present joy."

"Sent in this foul clime to languish Think what thousands fell in vain, Wasted with disease and anguish, Not in glorious battle slain."

"Heed, oh heed! my fatal story, I am Hosier's injur'd ghost; You who now have purchas'd glory At this place where I was lost."

"Hence with all my train attending From their oozy tombs below, Through the hoary foam ascending Here I feed my constant woe."

"After this proud foe subduing, When your patriot friends you see, Think on vengeance for my ruin, And for England sham'd in me."

"Vanity, like murder, will out."

"As, near Porto Bello lying, On the gently swelling flood, At midnight, with streamers flying, Our triumphant navy rode."

"Hyena speakes like a friend, and devoures like a Foe."

"The Woolf jettes in Weathers felles."

"His ardent looks—his sighs—his consusion—his respectful attentions, have a thousand times profess'd the strongest passion—Surely, a man cannot in honour, be exculpated, who by such methods defrauds a Woman of her heart."

"The same water that drives the mill, decayeth it."

"Your great spirits are mere Jack-a-lanterns in the brain—they dance about, shine, and make vagaries—while those who possess happiness, soberly and quietly enjoy their treasure."

"All policy’s allowed in war and love."

"It requires genius to make a good pun—some men of bright parts can't reach it."

"Every body about me seem'd happy—but every body seem'd in a hurry to be happy somewhere else."

"Cease, rude Boreas, blustering railer! List, ye landsmen, all to me; Messmates, hear a brother sailor Sing the dangers of the sea."

"Five minutes! Zounds! I have been five minutes too late all my life-time!"

"But what is Woman?—only one of Nature's agreeable blunders."

"Secrets are pleasant to each child of Eve."

"All that live with him Are as poor as church-rats."

"Let's eat, drink, and play till the worms do corrupt us, 'Tis certain, Post mortem Nulla voluptas."

"We'll sport and be free with Moll, Betty, and Dolly, Have oysters and lobsters to cure melancholy: Fish-dinners will make a lass spring like a flea, Dame Venus, love's lady, Was born of the sea."

"Your most beautiful bride who with garlands is crown'd And kills with each glance as she treads on the ground... Though now she be pleasant and sweet to the sense, Will be damnable mouldy a hundred years hence."

"Oh, Woman! Woman! thou art formed to bless The heart of restless Man, to chase his care, And charm existence by thy loveliness; Bright as the sun-beam, as the morning fair, If but thy foot fall on a wilderness, Flowers spring, and shed their roseate blossoms there, Shrouding the thorns that on thy path-way rise, And scattering o'er it hues of Paradise! Thy voice of love is music to the ear, Soothing and soft, and gentle as the stream That strays 'mid summer flowers; thy glittering tear Is mutely eloquent; thy smile a beam Of light ineffable, so sweet, so dear, It wakes the heart from sorrow's darkest dream, Shedding a hallowed lustre o'er our fate, And when it beams we are not desolate!"

"What's your idea of an ideal date? She screws until four o'clock in the morning, then turns into a pizza."

"Love is a beautiful thing a feeling and a mutual feeling between the two parties."

"All fiefs were originally masculine, and women were excluded from the succession of them because they cannot keep secrets."

": You have to be serious if you want to be in love. : You have to be serious about crime if you want to afford to be in love."

": Supposing someone saw you climbing in? : Who? You're not overlooked. : Who knows? A dallying couple. A passing sheep rapist."

"Christmas sits like a black hole on the calendar, and the other holidays implied by "happy holidays"—Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, New Year's Day, etc.—are powerless to be drawn in by its force."

": You were disparaging my lover. : On the contrary, I was reminiscing about my wife. : It comes to the same thing. : Things mostly do, you know."

"Celebrating Christmas without subscribing to Christianity is like watching the Super Bowl without having watched a single regular-season football game all year. Some people watch the Super Bowl exclusively for the commercials; others watch it for the halftime show."

": You seem to regard marriage as a game, sir. : Not marriage, Inspector. Sex. Sex is the game with marriage the penalty."

": I hear she's a scrubbed blonde with all the sex appeal of chilled Dettol. : (with dignity) There are those who believe that cleanliness is next to sexiness."

": Now, the shortest way to a man's heart is humiliation. You soon find out what he's made of."

": You can take it from me that Tēa's an engaging little trollop, and she suits me mightily. Mind you, she takes a bit of keeping up with, it's a good thing I'm pretty much of an Olympic sexual athlete. : I suppose these days you're concentrating on the sprints rather than on the long distance stuff. : Not so, dear boy. I'm in the pink of condition. I could copulate for England at any distance. : Well, they do say in Olympic circles, that the point is to take part, rather than to win, so I suppose there's hope for us all."

": You must be joking. : You would know it if I were."