"True jealously wants not only fidelity, but the proof of fidelity as an imaginable situation. A jealous man is not content with his beloved not being unfaithful. Precisely that which he is not doing does not leave him in peace. But since there is no proving what is not done and the jealous man insists on proof, he ends up settling on proof of unfaithfulness."

"To divide people into sadists and masochists is almost as foolish as dividing them into eaters and digesters. In all cases one must disregard abnormalities; after all, there are people who are better at digesting than they are at eating and vice versa. As regards masochism and sadism, it is safe to say that a healthy person displays both perversities. The only ugly thing in each case is the word. The one derived from the novelist Leopold von Sacher-Masoch is particularly degrading, and it is hard not to let one's taste for things be spoiled by the designation. Nevertheless, a man with an artistic imagination will manage to let an authentic woman turn him into a masochist and an inauthentic one into a sadist. One knocks the latter's educated unnaturalness out of her until the woman is revealed. If she already is a woman, the only thing left to do is adore her."

"There is no more unfortunate creature under the sun than a fetishist who yearns for a woman's shoe and has to settle for the whole woman."

"A "seducer" who boasts of initiating women into the mystery of love is like a stranger who arrives at a railroad station and offers to show the sights to a tourist guide."

"I am not for women but against men."

"The woman takes one for all, and the man all for one."

"The immorality of men triumphs over the amorality of women."

"Christianity has enriched the erotic meal with the appetizer of curiosity and the dessert of remorse."

"A fine world in which man reproaches woman with fulfilling his heart's desire!"

"When the word "peace" was uttered for the first time, there was panic at the stock exchange. They screamed in pain: "We've been earning! Leave us the war! We've earned the war!""

"War is at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that the other fellow isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off."

"How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print."

"Psychology is as useless as directions for using poison."

"Psychoanalysis: a rabbit that was swallowed by a boa constrictor who just wanted to see what it was like in there."

"So-called psychoanalysis is the occupation of lustful rationalists who trace everything in the world to sexual causes - with the exception of their occupation."

"Psychoanalysis is that mental illness for which it regards itself as therapy."

"One of the most widespread diseases is diagnosis."

"Education is what most people receive, many pass on, and few have."

"The making of a journalist: no ideas and the ability to express them."

"My language is the common prostitute that I turn into a virgin."

"The closer the look one takes at a word, the greater the distance from which it looks back."

"Someone who can write aphorisms should not fritter away his time writing essays."

"Language is the mother of thought, not its handmaiden."

"Sentimental irony is a dog that bays at the moon while pissing on graves."

"One shouldn't learn more than what one absolutely needs against life."

"The real truths are those that can be invented."

"It is better not to express what one means than to express what one does not mean."

"Sound opinions are valueless. What matters is who holds them."

"Hate must make a person productive; otherwise one might as well love."

"Most writers have no other quality than the reader: taste. But the latter has the better taste, because he does not write - and the best if he does not read."

"Nestroy's words ought to apply to an artist and an idea: "I have made a prisoner, and he won't let go of me!""

"Today's literature: prescriptions written by patients."

"Only he is an artist who can make a riddle out of a solution."

"Many things I am experiencing I already remember."

"Since the law prohibits the keeping of wild animals and I get no enjoyment from pets, I prefer to remain unmarried."

"I like to hold a monologue with women. But a dialogue with myself is more stimulating."

"I would have stage-fright if I had to speak with every one of the people before whom I speak."

"Nothing is more narrow-minded than chauvinism or race hatred. To me all men are equal: there are jackasses everywhere, and I have the same contempt for them all. No petty prejudices!"

"Many desire to kill me, and many wish to spend an hour chatting with me. The law protects me from the former."

"I trim my opponents to fit my arrows."

"If I return some people's greetings, I do so only to give them their greeting back."

"When I read, it is not acted literature; but what I write is written acting."