""When you go home after this show I want you to blog about this band; I want you to post pictures. 'Cause if you don't, I'll fucking come to your house man and I'll kill your dog. And if you don't have a dog, I'll hurt the weakest member of your family!" (Aziz Ansari as Clell Tickle)"

""Nobody can defeat my light saber!" (Paul Scheer as Randy Wattson)"

"I'm standing here in the middle of, hell, I dunno where I was at this point, with like, six cartons of eggs, and all this guy can say is "him go up the cricker." What the hell is that?"

"Now folks, here's a nightmare scenario. You're cuddled up in bed, you hear that "step, thump, step, thump" of a pirate coming up your stairs. You'd hide under your covers. But, it's not going to do you any good. He's drank your liquor, number one. Number two... He's looking for treasure. He's a pirate folks, you're DEAD."

"It happens when fat rubs together (skin tags)"

"(Glomb Making Skatepark House)Dunn:Why don't we ever do this cool shit to my house Bam:'Cos you don't have a house Dunn:Oh yeah"

"April: You know what your friends did to my car?!"

"Turbonegro came all the way from Norway to have a concert here."

"We're building a drawbridge, look, here's the blueprints! *shows Ape a napkin with a poorly drawn drawbridge and water on it, screen shows the word "Blueprints...?"*"

"How many kids would like to have a firepole in their room? But I beat you to the punch, you little jerks."

"DON'T FEED PHIL!"

"Look at Phil's tummy!"

"(April takes the purple lamborghini)"

"Glomb: You live with a convict.....Novak: I'm an ex-convict!"

"That's right, I'm pink. And pink might be pussy. But this pink guy is now a superhero. And this superhero is called, 'Pinky Dinky Dainty.' And he's gunna fuck Pritchard's world."

"Can I have my food sprinkled with the magic of Thailand, please?" (Pancho:) "What's that, chili sauce?"

"(About his mother) "She's 55, she must have taken it up the backdoor once upon a time!""

"(After Pritchard knocks his hand whilst going to touch a tarantula) "It'll bite me! Fuck off! It bit me once already...in my mind.""

"Mind over matter, boys! Mind over fucking matter!"

"(After burying Dainton's jacket with Dan & Pancho) "I fucking buried his jacket and he still fucking knows! Daint, have you got fucking eyes in the back of your fucking head?! Absolute fuck it! Take me fucking back to Wales!""

"(After being sprayed by Dainton with pepper spray) "FUCKING ROCK'N'ROLL! FUCKING ROCK'N'ROLL!""

"What's up, Shit-Lips?"

"Tonight, I'm going to be Doctor Daint!"

"(After Dainton throws a dart, which hits Pritchard on his finger) "Don't play fucking darts with Dainton! Right in the fucking nail.....Twat!""

""Describe Joyce? Hmm... A gimp/townie with a little bit of skateboarder. You're almost really inbred!"

"(After sitting on a safety pin) "There's a prick up my arse!""

"(To Dainton in the 'Guess the Ladyboy challenge') "Oh Daint, she's got wicked fucking knockers!""

"Make him scream, make him cry...make him want an apple pie."

"(After having something go into his head) "God man, that's your head! There's important stuff in there!""

"Pancho's biggest fear is... me telling you about the spunk challenge!"

"Pancho, I'm telling the whole world. You are...SPUNK CHOPS!"

"This is Dirty Sanchez not fucking gay school!"

"All the wannabe-trendies who took the piss out of skateboarding, now they're trying to dress like skateboarders. So we've gone back to dressing smart... but like "dirty-smart". I dunno, it's just a blazer, man!"

"Pancho's got a fucking sniper rifle, I wouldn't trust him with a fucking pea shooter!"

"(After Dainton shaves the top of Pritchards hair off whilst he was asleep) "It's gone! My Hair's fucking gone!.....I look like a fucking Nun!""

"(When Dainton throws a spider at him) "Get him away from my life!""

"You know this shit's Newport!"

"(About Pritchard) "He's like 'Hey, jump off a cliff!' 'OK then, I'll just jump off a cliff!' 'No, no, I was only joking!' 'Well, why not? We're here, lets just jump off it. How bad can it be? Either I die or I won't...' That's him, Mister Fifty-fifty.""

"(When Pancho tries to pull his hair out) "Leave my hair alone you little shit!""

"(After being woken up by being pelted with oranges and spray painted green with is clothes cut up to try and make him look like The Incredible Hulk) "Oh i'm green...great""

"(When Dainton asks if Pritchard's tattoo - "I Love Dainton" - on his penis is real) "Try rubbing it off, Daint!""

"I don't like pain. I'm a big pussy really."

"(After eating stinging nettles) "No more nettles for tea, boys. This organic stuff is shit!"

"(Talking about a gig they did in Berlin) "I'd rather wank my old man off than turn up there again...""

"(After being hit between the legs with a shovel) "My fucking bell-end is on fucking fire!""