"Five [episodes] are definitely cringe-worthy … on balance, and I suppose another five or so [are] a little below par, and about a third of the rest are pretty good. And the rest: really, really, quite good."

"The BBC were constantly replacing us with such important things as show jumping. They didn't like us very much at all."

"Announcer: And now for something completely different."

"Hermit, before the opening titles: 'It's..."

"Michael Palin"

"The film that is so funny it was banned in Norway."

"Honk if you love Brian."

"See the movie that's controversial, sacrilegious, and blasphemous. But if that's not playing, see The Life of Brian."

"A motion picture destined to offend nearly two thirds of the civilized world. And severely annoy the other third."

"You lucky bastards! You lucky, jammy bastards!"

"Oh, what I wouldn't give to be spat at in the face. I sometimes hang awake at night dreaming of being spat at in the face."

"What Jesus blatantly fails to appreciate is that it's the meek who are the problem."

"... And the beast shall be huge and black, and the eyes thereof red with the blood of living creatures, and the whore of Babylon shall ride forth on a three-headed serpent, and throughout the lands, there'll be a great rubbing of parts. Yeeah..."

"A man shall strike his donkey."

"And there shall in that time be rumours of things going astray, and there will be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia work base, that has an attachment…at this time, a friend shall lose his friend’s hammer and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before around eight o’clock..."

"So, there you are! I might have known it would end up like this. To think of all the love and affection I've wasted on you. Well, if that's how you treat your poor old mother in the autumn years of her life, all I can say is, "Go ahead. Be crucified. See if I care." [storms off] I might have known it would end up like this. Sex, sex. That's all young people are interested in nowadays. I don't know what the world's coming to."

"Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say: Some things in life are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, Don't grumble. Give a whistle. And this'll help things turn out for the best. And... [music]"

"Now, you listen here: 'e's not the Messiah, 'e's a very naughty boy! Now go away!"

"Sue Jones-Davies"

"Kenneth Colley:"

"Michael Palin:"

"Terry Jones:"

"Eric Idle:"

"Terry Gilliam:"

"John Cleese:"

"Graham Chapman:"

"I've always thought that Life of Brian was the best thing Python did by quite a long shot."

"Four hundred years ago, we would have been burnt for this film. Now, I'm suggesting that we've made an advance."

"Nothing can alter the fact that if you were to make a list of all the greatest works of art in all fields and all the greatest contributors to those works of art, you would find that this scene of the incarnation, the story of the incarnation, has played the largest part. Now, in our 20th century this film produces a sort of graffiti version of it. And I don't think in the eyes of posterity it will have a very distinguished place."

"Makes Ben-Hur look like an epic."

"Just when you thought you were saved..."

"He wasn't the messiah. He was a very naughty boy."