"From such a face and form as mine, the noblest sentiments sound like the black utterances of a depraved imagination! It's human nature! I'm resigned."

"Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you."

"Oh! my name is John Wellington Wells, I'm a dealer in magic and spells, In blessings and curses And ever-filled purses, In prophecies, witches, and knells. If you want a proud foe to "make tracks"— If you'd melt a rich uncle in wax— You've but to look in On our resident Djinn, Number seventy, Simmery Axe!"

"But I submit, my lord, with all submission, To marry two at once is Burglaree!"

"She may very well pass for forty three In the dusk with the light behind her."

"So I fell in love with a rich attorney's Elderly, ugly daughter."

"A popular speaker, however unpopular and insignificant, has only to wind up his speech with half-a-dozen lines of Shakespeare (and to make it clearly understood that they are Shakespeare's) and he will sit down amid thunders of applause."