"There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose."

"Kin Hubbard is dead. To us folks that attempt to write a little humor his death is just like Edison's would be to the world of invention. No man in our generation was within a mile of him, and I am so glad that I didn't wait for him to go to send flowers. I have said it from the stage and in print for twenty years. Just think — only two lines a day, yet he expressed more original philosophy in 'em than all the rest of the paper combined. What a kick Twain and all that gang will get out of Kin."

"Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid."

"Ther's still a few honest folks left but they never seem t' find anything you lose."

"It's purty hard t' be efficient without bein' obnoxious."

"Flattery won’t hurt you if you don’t swallow it."

"Nobuddy ever listened t' reason on a empty stomach."

"Don't knock th' weather. Nine-tenths o' th' people couldn' start a conversation if it didn' change once in a while."

"Gittin' talked about is one o' th' penalties for bein' purty, while bein' above suspicion is about th' only compensation fer bein' homely."

"Never tell the box-office man that you can't hear well or he will sell you a seat where you can't see either."