"If you were counting on the polls telling you something about the midterm elections that are just two weeks away, the answer is that they're telling you that the candidate you want to win needs your help."

"In 2009, when the president of Honduras, Manuel Zelaya, was ousted by a military coup, the coverage was characteristically scant. Maddow framed the coup as more of a curiosity than a crisis. While some of her coverage focused on the Republicans who planned trips to Honduras in order to support the coup government, other of her segments poked fun at Zelaya’s attempts to re-enter the country. The fact that the Honduran military opened fire on supporters of Zelaya awaiting his return at the airport, killing a teenage boy, was not part of Maddow’s look at the lighter side of overthrowing an elected government."

"'History is calling!' Last chance to play a role in hugely consequential election"

"I say this tonight, not for the gee whiz factor of me having Liz Cheney here tonight, me having somebody here tonight who you would never expect. I say this not for just the man-bites-dog weirdness of this. I say it because I think, in civic terms, in sort of American citizenship terms, I think it's really important how much we disagree. It's important how far apart we are in every policy issue imaginable. It is important that Liz Cheney is infinity and I am negative infinity on the ideological number line. It's important because that tells you how serious and big something has to be to put us, to put me and Liz Cheney, together on the same side of something in American life."

"The Rachel Maddow Show [on MSNBC has tested positive for COVID ] Don't worry, we're already working on rescheduling"

"The Biden administration today announced that as of today, we have crossed an important threshold. As of today, a majority of U.S. seniors have been vaccinated. We have hit 50 percent of all Americans aged 65 and up have been vaccinated. Just a remarkable threshold."

"And it is like -50 degrees in that Dakotas right now. What would happen if Russia killed the power in Fargo today? Alright. What would happen if all the natural gas lines that service Sioux Falls just poofed on the coldest in recent memory and it wasn't in our power whether or not to turn them back on? What would you do if you lost heat indefinitely as the act of a foreign power on the same that the temperature matched the temperature in Antarctica? What would you and your family do?"

"As you can tell, my Halloween costume this year is once again middle-aged lesbian pundit in cheap jacket. Boo."

"The Republicans... are having a hard time getting their members to act as a unit instead of like a bunch of six-year-olds playing anarchist soccer; three teams, two goals, you decide."

"Constitution Doesn't Have A Preamble. Not. Nope. Stop it."

"Expressing an opinion about the news does not negate one‘s status as a news reporter or as a correspondent or as a news anchor. The expression of opinion about the news is not the difference between FOX and the rest of the news media. The difference between FOX and news is that FOX is now actively organizing and promoting a protest movement against the U.S. government."

"More drama than a junior prom, a shotgun wedding, and a paternity test all rolled into one!"

"I wonder what [Obama's] record would be like so far if he weren't such a fierce advocate for gay rights?"

"It's truly a blessing to have total freaking idiots as your enemy."

"I assume people with bad arguments will just lose them."

"Boy am I unqualified for that!"

"Now I'm going to have nightmares about myself."

"why does accountability keep hitting a glass ceiling?"

"Beware the power of the pajama-clad, Cheeto-eating, twitter, blogging hordes. We are legion!"

"The downside of playing dumb is that you sound dumb."

"Republican 'poutrage' over the 'handshake seen round the world.'"

"We're no longer officially a superpower. Please turn in your badges."

"Congratulations, you have been tea-bagged!"

"Ron Paul supporters didn't use the term 'teabagging.' Maybe they knew how to use Urban Dictionary.com."

"Thank you Satan."

"Separate is not equal. Duh."

"Spending Freeze? (referring to remarks by John Boehner), the brand named policy of economic fundamental misunderstanding endorsed by more conservatives than any other proven policy failure on the market today"

"When Blackwater killed those 17 Iraqi civilians in Baghdad, they called Burson-Marsteller. When there was a nuclear meltdown at Three-Mile Island, Babcock and Wilcox, who built that plant, called Burson-Marsteller. The Bhopal chemical disaster that killed thousands of people in India, Union Carbide called Burson-Marsteller. Romanian dictator, Nicolae Ceausescu — Burson-Marsteller. The government of Saudi Arabia, three days after 9/11 — Burson-Marsteller."

"So best of luck to the Sea Shadow and its disguise-me ship, which I have to say are the most adorable multimillion dollar bits of scrap heap-bound Cold War ephemera that we have seen in a long time."

"Who's Burson-Marsteller? When evil needs public relations, evil has Burson-Marsteller on speed-dial."

"Spending freeze is what made the Depression 'Great.'"

"I‘ve given up trying to get invited to a cocktail party but I‘m going to the egg roll. I swear."

"In other words, Bush broke what I have always called the “Amish bus driver” rule. If your religion requires you not to drive, cool beans, free country — but then you can‘t get hired to be a bus driver if your religion won‘t let you drive the bus."

"Ridding Iraq of weapons of mass destruction. That was the whole idea, right? That‘s why we went. I am reluctant to let that fact disappear down the memory hole, because if — as the war ends, or at least starts to end — if, at this time, the history of the war is written as us going there to topple the regime of a bad man when that frankly isn‘t why were told that we were going there — Aren‘t we still at risk of making this horrific mistake again? And, aren‘t we letting the people who foisted the WMD idea on us, not many years ago, aren‘t we sort of letting them get away with it?"

"You want to know what just happened there? She smacked me down - smacked me down: "But Speaker Pelosi, the Republicans are all over the TV machine opposing the economic stimulus." "Settle down, kid. It‘s not working." Duh. Maybe she‘s right. Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal sort of put the punctuation mark on Speaker Pelosi‘s point about Republicans on TV with his response to the not state-of-the-union last night."

"Coming up: The part of my interview with the speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, where she smacks me down like a ball-peen hammer meeting a thumb. Ow. Ow. Ow."

"I really believe that in America, if you are clinging to some indefensible, unconstitutional bad idea of a policy, ultimately — one day — you are going to look up from the front gate of your prison and there on the horizon will be the ACLU."

"I'm so rarely the arbiter of what all women want. I'm usually quite the outlier on that chart."

"The single best thing about coming out of the closet is that nobody can insult you by telling you what you've just told them."

"When Conservatives crusade against government while they are trying to be appointed to head the government, I think that's weird!"

"When Pat is saying something outrageous, you know when you yell at the TV? I get to yell at him in person. I get to yell at the TV and it hears me."

"Not all Freudian slips are created equal."

"Now, according to the new-fangled U.S. government, it is OK to have the gay.*"

"I can't be frustrated at you because you’re stupid but I can be mad at you because you’re evil."

"I spent the weekend curled up with the Marine Corps and Army counterinsurgency field manual—because that‘s how I roll on the weekends."

"I had long blonde hair, but even as a little girl with long blonde hair, I looked like one of the Hanson boys."

"RACHEL MADDOW: That‘s why we don‘t have to worry about the antichrist until after the rapture?"