"Strong Bad: [Voiceover] First, there's the haggler, the guy who spends all day trying to talk you down from a quarter to twenty-two cents for some worthless piece of crap."

"Bubs: I'll give ya two thin dimes for this pantyhose doll."

"Strong Bad: First off... all... that is Aunt Gert. And secondly, she's worth way more than the quarter I'm asking for her! Heck, I paid six-fifty for her new. And them's 1998 dollars!"

"Bubs: Well, maybe if she was wearing a troll outfit, or a witch's hat or somethin'..."

"Strong Bad: I'll let it go for twenty-four cents."

"Bubs: Twenty-two and a half!"

"Strong Bad: You, my friend... just bought yourself an Aunt Gert."

"Marzipan: Coach Z, may I ask why you're buying up all the "great for baby" items?"

"Coach Z: I'd prefer that ya didn't."

"Strong Bad: “Richie Z, Can-A-Duh” Wait, you're not related to Coach Z, are you, Richie? Or Coach Zed as you cah-nooks call him. Whoa, Coach Zed. That's way cooler. I'm gonna start calling him that too and maybe he won't suck so bad!"

"Strong Bad: Number Ten is easy: Dry T-Shirt Contests. You'll never find a more degrading contest or a larger waste of not water."

"Strong Bad: Number Three is the ridiculous trend of giving chocolate desserts dangerous names. You know, like, Chocolardiac Arrest."

"Strong Bad: Slumming in at Number Two are songs that try to pass off la la's, na na's, and doot do's as legit lyrics. As evidenced in Limozeen's bizarrely titled "Feed The Childrens." [a portion of the fictitious song is played, consisting of the described gibberish lyrics] Ugh, what were they thinking? More like, "We need to feed our children, so we made this terrible song.""

"Strong Bad: Who doesn't have a space program these days? I mean, don't, like, the Italians have a space program?"

"Narrator: SBASAF [Strong Badian Administration of Some Aluminum Foil] is a definitely-for-profit organization, dedicated to the manned taping of aluminum foil to cardboard."

"Narrator: Our mission objective: to accompany 15 earth dollars on a round trip journey to the closest reaches of space. While the muscular crew will age only a few hours, the cargo, according to our vague understanding of the theory of relativity, will have aged to an incredible one million dollars."

"Narrator: And who is good enough at video games to accept such a dangerous mission? Why, none other than beef bouillon-aire joyboy Space Captainface. First Lieuteneral Captainface knows the true key to success is to have as many hot '60s-looking girls in your filmstrips as possible."

"Strong Bad: Now, I have an extremely unphotographic memory. So, I guess that'd be more like a drawing, or a doodle. Like a doodle memory. But I would hazard a guess that we were probably just like other cartoons were in high school, i.e. we were a team of super sleuths."

"[cut to the main characters as teenagers]"

"Marzipan: Stampers! My long lost uncle's abandoned pie factory sure is mysterious."

"Strong Bad: Ah, there's no such thing as "mysterious"."

"Homestar Runner: I don't want to take any chances. We should play in a band, just to be safe."

"Strong Bad: In, um, middle school we were a bunch of melon-headed babies with gigantic eyes and ENORMOUS imaginations."

"[cut to the main characters as babies]"

"Baby Coach Z: I'm pretending I'm the craptain of the foortball torm! [sic]"

"Baby Strong Bad: I'm pretending I'm playing better video games! Aw, man! That freakin' duck swallowed both my pixels!"

"Baby Strong Sad: I'm pretending I'm not sitting next to The Diapersmith."

"Strong Bad: I got lots of secret identities. Lately, I've been using this one: Tip Tappers: Expensive Briefcase Carrier. I use Mr. Tappers when I'm on tour and I want to check into a hotel and not be bothered by legions of fans."

"[cut to “Bubs’ Motor Lodge”]"

"Bubs: And what name will this room be under?"

"Strong Bad: Uh, Tip Tappers, please. Unless some girl asks what room Strong Bad's in. And she's at least a seven out of ten. Or uh... six if she's naked."

"Strong Bad: The word "technology"... means... "magic". It's basically anything that's really cool that you don't know how it works. And if it breaks, you have to buy a new one."

"Strong Bad: And then there's the Lappy, which rules over technology with a 42 pound, allegedly portable fist. Watch as it magically saves this screen. The screen is saved, man. This thing's gonna last like 50 years!"

"Strong Bad: Whoa! Where am I?"

"Strong Badman: STINY! We have a visitor from an alternate universe!"

"Strong Bad: It's Strong Badman! And his well drawn abs! But... why are we in a crappy apartment instead of a secret underground lair... filled with secret underground gadgets?"

"Strong Badman: Because mere mortal... this apartment… IS RENT CONTROLLED! And... water's included."

"Strong Bad: Is that why all your faucets are running?"

"Strong Bad: MU-HU-HA-HA-HAH! Those dimwits down at the public works won't know what hit them!"

"Strong Badman: So, that's your evil plan? To waste water?"

"Strong Bad: And not pay for it!!"

"Strong Bad: “Dear Super Bad, It bugs me how your email show doesn't have a theme song. If it did have a theme song, your show would be a whole lot cooler. Jonathan SHA-HEEEN! [Shaheen], Onté-rio, Kana-DAH.” Oooh, a little south of the border flavor. Dear Supper Bag, It bugs me how your face doesn't have a not tons of acne. If it did have a not tons of acne, you would be a whole lot cooler."

"Strong Bad: Theme songs are just an excuse for showmakers to make less show."

"Commercial narrator: Do you make butt at your current job? Do you want to make twice butt? A shady online degree is just four clicks away at CGNU online e-niversity. Most colleges take four years to complete. At CGNU, one year equals one click."

"Senor [sic] Cardgage: I got fourteen degrees while on my lunch take [sic]. Now I can legally prescribe marriages in the state of Kansattica."

"Commercial narrator:Enroll now, and join the e-niversity e-volution e-day. Uh, well, today. That last one didn't quite work out."

"Strong Bad: You see, SHA-HEEN? You're basically asking me to dedicate 2 minutes of my 3 to 5 minute email show, to what is essentially a commercial for something you're already watching!"

"[Strong Bad and the Cheat are trapped in their AMC Gremlin]"

"Strong Bad: [deliriously] Look at that little stain over there! That could be a whole 'nother world. With a whole 'nother Strong Bad and The Cheat stuck in a Gremlin."