Hampden Sydney College Alumni

"The message of Christ isn't that you can't kill me. The message of Christ is you can kill me and that's not death."

"When you’re in this room, I don’t know how to describe it. It’s soaked in history. It just washes over you. I mean, it’s not even like it’s in the past. You’re in history. You’re in it."

"There once was a man in Nantucket Whose poll numbers really did suck it; At least he is not That orange pol pot Who ate all his meals from a bucket."

"Before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail."

"I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit."

"I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow."

"That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works."

"Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Dammit."

"I believe it's yogurt, but I refuse to believe it's not butter."

"I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound — with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world."

"Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city... Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center, and a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar I guess is what I'm describing."

"I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq."

"I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: Don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni and that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you're strong enough to stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on."

"I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone". Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term."

"I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias."

"Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass, is my point. But I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash."

"Jesse Jackson is here. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he’s going to say what he wants at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is."

"As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America — with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side. But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good — over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew."

"But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the Decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know — fiction."

"Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg."

"The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday — no matter what happened Tuesday."

"And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion — be you Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior."

"By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word."

"Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome! Your great country [of China] makes our Happy Meals possible!"

"I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical."

"Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American."

"And I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half, and polls show America agrees."

"The other stunner that came out of the committee hearings was what the committee called the "big ripoff". The former president raised a quarter of a billion dollars off the big-lie, for a so-called "election defense fund", that investigators say, never existed... and this time we promise NO FRAUD."

"Yes, we all know the famous saying: where there’s smoke, there’s success."

"He took showers with the other pros..."

"Hey, there. How are you doing? If you watch this show regularly, I'm guessing you're not doing great. Yeah, me neither. You know, uh, today? Uh, some people said to me, "Sorry you have to do a show tonight." Which is nice of them to say, but I don't have to do a show, I get to do a show tonight. I'm so grateful to be with all of these talented people -- those people over here, those people that you'll never see... With the audience in the Ed Sullivan, with you people at home? Because, especially at times like this, what do we most want to be? Not alone. So thanks for being here. Uh, we're gonna do a comedy show, it's a comedy show, we're gonna do some jokes in just a minute. Uh, 'cause that's what we do. And I'll let you in on a little secret: No one gets into this business because everything in their life worked out great. So we're built for rough roads."

"The first time Donald Trump was elected, he started as a joke and ended as a tragedy. This time, he starts as a tragedy. Who knows what he'll end as?"

"This is rough. Last time Trump won, it felt like a grotesque fluke. This time, America knew exactly what they were getting and they went hard for him anyway. It's like that famous quote: "Those who do not learn from history... are me! Hey, that's me! Which reminds me, I wanted to look something up. Hey Google, did Joe Biden drop out of the election?""

"Oh, hey everybody. We got a great show for you tonight. Senator Adam Schiff was my guest. We harmonized on Seven Bridges Road. What a voice. I cried. But before we start the show, I want to let you know something that I found out just last night. Next year will be our last season. The network will be ending The Late Show in May. And… Yeah — I share your feelings — It's not just the end of our show, but it's the end of The Late Show on CBS. I'm not being replaced — this is all just going away. And I do want to say… I do want to say that the folks at CBS have been great partners. I'm so grateful to the Tiffany Network for giving me this chair and this beautiful theater to call home. And of course, I'm grateful to you, the audience, who have joined us every night in here, out there, all around the world, Mr. and Mrs. America, and all the ships at sea. I'm grateful to share the stage with this band, these artists over here every night. And I am extraordinarily deeply grateful to the 200 people who work here. We get to do this show. We get to do this show for each other every day, all day. And I've had the pleasure and the responsibility of sharing what we do every day with you in front of this camera for the last 10 years. And let me tell you, it is a fantastic job. I wish somebody else was getting it. And it's a job that I'm looking forward to doing with this usual gang of idiots for another 10 months. It's going to be fun. … Y'all ready?"

"It’s a great day to be me because I am not Donald Trump."

"...there is nothing more corrupting, nothing more destructive of the noblest and finest feelings of our nature, than the exercise of unlimited power."

"It is necessary, therefore, to watch, not the political opponents of the administration, but the administration itself, and to see that it keeps within the bounds of the Constitution and the laws of the land. The executive of the Union has immense power to do mischief if he sees fit to exercise that power. He may prostrate the country. Indeed this country has been already prostrated. It has already fallen from pure republicanism to a monarchy in spirit if not in name."

"...all the measures of the Government are directed to the purpose of making the rich richer and the poor poorer."

"Sir, I wish you to understand the true principles of the government. I wish them carried out. I ask nothing more."

"The only legitimate right to govern is an express grant of power from the governed."

"…it is preposterous to suppose that a thought could for a moment have been entertained that the President, placed at the capital, in the center of the country, could better understand the wants and wishes of the people than their own immediate representatives, who spend a part of every year among them, living with them, often laboring with them, and bound to them by the triple tie of interest, duty, and affection."

"I have determined never to remove a Secretary of the Treasury without communicating all the circumstances attending such removal to both Houses of Congress."

"There is no part of the means placed in the hands of the Executive which might be used with greater effect for unhallowed purposes than the control of the public press."

"The people of the District of Columbia are not the subjects of the people of the States, but free American citizens."

"It may be observed, however, that organized associations of citizens requiring compliance with their wishes too much resemble the recommendations of Athens to her allies, supported by an armed and powerful fleet."

"Fellow-citizens, being fully invested with that high office to which the partiality of my countrymen has called me, I now take an affectionate leave of you. You will bear with you to your homes the remembrance of the pledge I have this day given to discharge all the high duties of my exalted station according to the best of my ability, and I shall enter upon their performance with entire confidence in the support of a just and generous people."

"William Henry Harrison's death marked the first time in American history that presidential power abruptly transferred from one man to another. It is a testament to the American system that without precedent or clarity in the Constitution, power transferred so seamlessly and swiftly through a seminal historic moment of ambiguity. This particular transfer of power was made all the more remarkable by the extraordinary set of circumstances that led to the annexation of Texas in 1844 and precipitated war with Mexico. The war, which was fought by Tyler's successor, James K. Polk, failed to win popular support from a population that supported admission of Texas, but preferred not to fight."

"A plain-spoken man, Harrison was good-natured, affable, and accessible. The Reverend Timothy Flint, a frequent visitor to his home at North Bend, Ohio, described him as urbane, hospitable, kind, and utterly unpretentious."

"Yelping at the scent of a wounded fox, the Whigs threw everything into the campaign of 1840. It is still remembered as one of the great campaigns, and yet "great" seems too majestic a word for what was basically the cynical triumph of advertising over substance. After nominating the elderly military hero William Henry Harrison, the Whigs fell into paroxysms of excitement over the rumor that their candidate lived in a log cabin and had a fondness for hard cider. In fact, neither claim was true. Harrison was born into a considerably more substantial dwelling, an old brick mansion on the James River in Virginia. But that did not matter in the least. When in doubt, print the legend- and the image of an impoverished boy running around a log cabin entered the popular folklore, well before Lincoln ever figured out that modesty was a path to power. The great irony, of course, is that the log-cabin-and-hard-cider slogan was much truer of van Buren's life than his opponent's, and that he was being outsmarted by a ruthless opposition that had mastered all of his techniques. But no one was interested in the truth in 1840- only in the result."

"The strongest of all governments is that which is most free."