"There's a little group of isles beyond the wave, So tiny you might almost wonder where it is— That nation is the bravest of the brave, And cowards are the rarest of all rarities. The proudest nations kneel at her command, She terrifies all foreign-born rap-scallions; And holds the peace of Europe in her hand With half a score invincible battalions."

"The end is easily foretold, When every blessed thing you hold Is made of silver, or of gold, You long for simple pewter. When you have nothing else to wear But cloth of gold and satins rare, For cloth of gold you cease to care— Up goes the price of shoddy. In short, whoever you may be, To this conclusion you'll agree, When everyone is somebodee, Then no one's anybody!"

"Oh, philosophers may sing Of the troubles of a King, But of pleasures there are many and of worries there are none; And the culminating pleasure That we treasure beyond measure Is the gratifying feeling that our duty has been done."

"Of that there is no manner of doubt— No probable, possible shadow of doubt— No possible doubt whatever."

"One of you may be Baptisto's son, for anything I know to the contrary; but the other is no less a personage than the only son of the late King of Barataria. ... And I trust — I trust it was that one who slapped me on the shoulder and called me his man!"

"In enterprise of martial kind, When there was any fighting, He led his regiment from behind— He found it less exciting."

"I should have preferred to ride through the streets of Venice; but owing, I presume, to an unusually wet season, the streets are in such a condition that equestrian exercise is impractical."

"Is life a boon? If so it must befall That death when e're he call Must call too soon."

"I've jibe and joke, And quip and crank, For lowly folk And men of rank."

"Heigh-dy! Heigh-dy! Misery me, lack-a-day-dee! He sipped no sup, and he craved no crumb, As he sighed for the love of a ladye!"

"When maiden loves, she sits and sighs, She wanders to and fro - Unbidden tear-drops fill her eyes, And to all questions she replies With a sad "heigh ho!""

"My eyes are fully open to my awful situation, I shall go at once to Roderic and make him an oration, I shall tell him I've recovered my forgotten moral senses, and I don't care tuppence ha'penny for any consequences. Now I do not want to perish by the sword or by the dagger, but a martyr may indulge a little pardonable swagger And a word or two of compliment my vanity would flatter, but I've got to die to-morrow, so it really doesn't matter!"

"Some word that teems with hidden meaning, like "Basingstoke". It might recall me to my saner self. For, after all, I am only Mad Margaret! Daft Meg! Poor Meg! He! he! he!"

"I know a youth who loves a little maid— (Hey, but his face is a sight for to see!) Silent is he, for he's modest and afraid (Hey, but he's timid as a youth can be!)"

"My object all sublime I shall achieve in time— To let the punishment fit the crime, The punishment fit the crime."

"As someday it may happen that a victim must be found I've got a little list, I've got a little list Of society offenders who might well be underground, And who never would be missed—who never would be missed!"

"The idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone, All centuries but this and every country but his own."

"...but it's an unjust world, and virtue is triumphant only in theatrical performances."

"Ko-Ko: Well, a nice mess you've got us into, with your nodding head and the deference due to a man of pedigree! Pooh-Ba: Merely corroborative detail, intended to give artistic verisimilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative."

"I have a left shoulder-blade that is a miracle of loveliness. People come miles to see it. My right elbow has a fascination that few can resist."

"[Koko is negotiating the terms by which he can behead Nanki-Poo in his place, and they involve letting the latter be married to his fiance until he is executed] Koko: But my position during the next month will be most unpleasant, most unpleasant! Nanki-Poo: Not nearly so unpleasant as mine at the end of it."

"To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock, In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock, Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock, From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!"

"Pooh Bah: This professional conscientiousness is highly creditable to you, but it places us in a very awkward position. Koko: My good sir, the awkwardness of your position is grace itself compared with that of a man engaged in the act of cutting off his own head."

"…in the first place, self decapitation is an extremely difficult, not to say dangerous, thing to attempt; and, in the second, it’s suicide, and suicide is a capital offence."

"No money, no grovel! (Actually an ad-lib introduced by Rutland Barrington when playing the rôle of Pooh-Bah, to the annoyance of Gilbert.)"

"I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family pride is something inconceivable. I can’t help it. I was born sneering."

"Ah pray, make no mistake, we are not shy; We're very wide awake, The moon and I!"

"Man is nature's sole mistake."

"Never, never, never, Faint heart never won fair lady! Nothing venture, nothing win – Blood is thick, but water’s thin – In for a penny, in for a pound – It's Love that makes the world go round!"

"The House of Peers, thoughout the war Did nothing in particular And did it very well."

"The Law is the true embodiment Of everything that’s excellent. It has no kind of fault or flaw, And I, my Lords, embody the Law."

"A pallid and thin young man, A haggard and lank young man, A greenery-yallery, Grosvenor Gallery, Foot-in-the-grave young man!"

"I know what love is. There was a happy time when I didn't, but bitter experience has taught me."

"Archibald: To understand this, it is not necessary to think of anything at all. Saphir: Let us think of nothing at all!"

"Yes, I am the Apostle of Simplicity. I am called Archibald the All-Right, for I am infallible."

"Then a sentimental passion of a vegetable fashion must excite your languid spleen, An attachment à la Plato for a bashful young potato, or a not-too-French French bean! Though the Philistines may jostle, you will rank as an apostle in the high aesthetic band, If you walk down Piccadilly with a poppy or a lily in your medieval hand."

"Art stopped short at the cultivated court of the Empress Josephine."

"If you want a receipt for that popular mystery, Known to the world as a Heavy Dragoon - Take all the remarkable people in history, Rattle them off to a popular tune!"

"Yes, but you don't go!"

"Oh, dry the glistening tear That dews that martial cheek; Thy loving children hear, In them thy comfort seek. With sympathetic care Their arms around thee creep, For oh, they cannot bear To see their father weep!"

"Exactly – you said "often" ('frequently') only once."

"Against our wills, papa—against our wills!"

"No, Frederic, it cannot be. I don’t think much of our profession, but, contrasted with respectability, it is comparatively honest."

"I can tell a woman's age in half a minute — and I do!"

"She may very well pass for forty three In the dusk with the light behind her."

"From such a face and form as mine, the noblest sentiments sound like the black utterances of a depraved imagination! It's human nature! I'm resigned."

"Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you."

"Oh! my name is John Wellington Wells, I'm a dealer in magic and spells, In blessings and curses And ever-filled purses, In prophecies, witches, and knells. If you want a proud foe to "make tracks"— If you'd melt a rich uncle in wax— You've but to look in On our resident Djinn, Number seventy, Simmery Axe!"

"A popular speaker, however unpopular and insignificant, has only to wind up his speech with half-a-dozen lines of Shakespeare (and to make it clearly understood that they are Shakespeare's) and he will sit down amid thunders of applause."

"But I submit, my lord, with all submission, To marry two at once is Burglaree!"