"Alright, you have all completed the written exam. However, you must now pass the obstacle course to be admitted into the training program. And remember, survive this and you're on the front lines of keeping New Jersey safe."

"[after showing a Loch Ness Monster tattoo on his lower back that he got while drunk] It's the . I don't drink."

"[headbutts criminal, groans] Nobody wins with a headbutt."

"[from trailer] Safety never takes a holiday."

"[to a villain] Hey you, Scuba-dooby-doo! [sends a scuba tank into a villain, knocking him out]"

"[sees Paul hanging by a rope, being pulled up into the air ducts] I wish I had a bat. I would burst you open, see how much much candy fell out."

"[from trailer] Nobody knows this mall better than I do."

"[talking to himself] What are you trained to do? Nothing."

"Because you thought I was cocky, I'm now on a permanent acid trip?"

"I just want my life back, okay? Now what's it gonna take? You wanna talk turkey? Let's talk turkey! HOW MUCH MONEY?"

"When you got on that plane, I was sure it was over. I left the airport afraid I'd never see you again. And then you showed up the very next day. That was a good surprise. You know, I think about the decision you made... maybe I was being naive, but I believed that we would grow old together in this house. That we'd spend holidays here and have our grandchildren come visit us here. I had this image of us, all grey and wrinkly, and me working in the garden and you re-painting the deck. But things change. If you need this, Jack, if you really need this, I will take these kids from a life they love and I'll take myself from the only home we've ever shared together and I'll move wherever you need to go. I'll do that because I love you. I love you, and that's more important to me than our address. I choose us."

"Peter Lassiter: Old flames are like old tax returns... put 'em in the file cabinet for three years, then you cut 'em loose."

"Ken Leung - Sam Wong"

"Kate Walsh - Jeannie"

"Amber Valletta - Paula"

"Gianni Russo - Nick"

"Harve Presnell - Ed Reynolds"

"Mary Beth Hurt - Adelle"

"Tom McGowan - Bill"

"Francine York - Lorraine Reynolds"

"Jeremy Piven - Arnie"

"Lisa Thornhill - Evelyn Thompson"

"Jake and Ryan Milkovich - Josh Campbell"

"Saul Rubinek - Alan Mintz"

"Don Cheadle - Cash"

"Josef Sommer - Peter Lassiter"

"Joel McKinnon Miller - Tommy"

"Makenzie Vega - Annie Campbell"

"Nicolas Cage - Jack Campbell"

"Téa Leoni - Kate Reynolds / Kate Campbell"

"Steve Cropper - Fats Waller's fan in train (uncredited)"

"Booker T. Jones - Fats Waller's fan in train (uncredited)"

"Paul Dinello - Mr. Rooney"