"[to Lurlynn] Look at you, you have a baby... In a bar. [Lurlynn: Hell, I got 3 more at home! This one’s still on the tit, so I can cart him anywhere.]"

"You dumb stubborn redneck hick."

"Well, you must be Jake's hot date. I'm Melanie, Jake's snotty Yankee bitch wife whom he refuses to divorce even though I'm engaged to another man."

"[Drunk, at the bar] Oh Bobby Ray....why don't you just go to a gay bar. [Eldon: What would B-Ray do at a gay bar?]"

"The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and I never really got it back."

"You're the first boy I ever kissed, Jake, and I want you to be the last."

"[After punching Kate] Nobody talks to my mama like that! [Earl Smooter: Praise the Lord, the South has risen again!]"

"[On seeing her father in his Confederate uniform] Christ Almighty, Daddy, how am I gonna explain you in New York?"

"[Seeing her father in his Confederate uniform, leaving to go to 'battle'] "People need a passport to come down here.""

"Well for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce."

"[after leaving Andrew at the altar as a thunderstorm is approaching] Hey, y'all! If you're friends of the bride, stick around! I'm gonna go find me a groom!"

"[final line] Hey, Stella! Make it a slow one."

"[about the divorce papers Melanie wants him to sign] The only reason I ain't signin’ is cause you've turned into some hoity toity Yankee bitch and I'd like nothin’ better right now than to piss you off."

"Honey, just 'cause I talk slow don't mean I'm stupid."

"[after looking at divorce papers] I better have my lawyer take a look at these. I'm just a simple country boy. There's all kinds of big words in here I can't even pronounce. Hell, you might be takin' me to the cleaners for all I know. [Melanie: The cleaners—you?]"

"Since when does it have to be one or the other? You can have roots and wings, Mel."

"Nobody finds their soul mate when they're ten. I mean, where's the fun in that, right?"

"Why don't you go back to your double-wide and fry something?"

"What ever happened to responsible journalism?"

"There is nothing wrong with poor people. I get elected by poor people."

"[after Melanie tells Andrew that she still loves Jake at the wedding] I've never met anyone so manipulative, so deceitful...and I'm in politics."

"[to Melanie] Woo-oo. You look like sex on a stick in that Frederick Montana getup."

"A Comedy of Trial and Error"

"James Rebhorn - George Wilbur"

"Bruce McGill - Sheriff Farley"

"Lane Smith - D.A. Jim Trotter"

"Fred Gwynne - Judge Chamberlain Haller"

"Mitchell Whitfield - Stan Rothenstein"

"Ralph Macchio - Bill Gambini"

"Marisa Tomei - Mona Lisa Vito"

"Joe Pesci - Vincent LaGuardia Gambini"

"There have been many courtroom dramas that have glorified The Great American Legal System. This is not one of them."