"Oh, we were like glory's gate, my darling. We were like that bloody shark of yours. We swam with the, um, uh — Oh, goddamn it. I had it on the plane. What was I gonna say? Ah, well."

"Tell me. Who knocked up the reporter?"

"Bill Murray - Steve Zissou"

"Owen Wilson - Ned Plimpton"

"Cate Blanchett - Jane Winslett-Richardson"

"Anjelica Huston - Eleanor Zissou"

"Willem Dafoe - Klaus Daimler"

"Jeff Goldblum - Alistair Hennessey"

"Michael Gambon - Oseary Drakoulias"

"Noah Taylor - Vladimir Wolodarsky"

"Bud Cort - Bill Ubell"

"Seu Jorge - Pelé dos Santos"

"Robyn Cohen - Anne-Marie Sakowitz"

"Who the shit is Kingsley Zissou?"

"Does this seem fake? [points gun at jane]"

"I'm going to find it and I'm going to destroy it. I don't know how yet, maybe dynamite."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to join me is more than welcome."

"Nobody knows what's going to happen. And then we film it. That's the whole concept."

"You really think it's cool for you to hit the sauce with a bun in the oven?"

"[to Ogata and Pele] What are you doing? Go to bed, you sons of bitches!"

"Son of a bitch, I'm sick of these dolphins."

"Supposedly Cousteau and his cronies invented the idea of putting walkie-talkies into the helmet. But we made ours with a special rabbit ear on the top so we could pipe in some music."

"You know, I'd be jealous about you staying at Ali's place, except I always thought he was kind of a closet queer."

"That pregnant slut is playing us like a cheap fiddle!"

"Are you finding what you were looking for... out here with me? I hope so."

"Oseary, this is probably my son Ned. We just met."

"Just do what you gotta do to cover your ass, Bill."

"You hung us out to dry. If we don't handle this right, we're gonna all get murdered. Including her unborn British child."

"Don't point that gun at him, he's an unpaid intern."

"Tell them if they don't get off my boat right now... there's gonna be a major shit-storm."

"Be cool on this shit, okay, cubbie? I mean, at least try to show both sides."

"I said get your ass the hell off of my boat!"

"I've never seen a bond company stooge stick his neck out like that."

"The Arctic Night-lights. Yeah. "As if the natural world's been turned upside down." Lord Mandrake. Vikram, get some cutaways of this miracle. Klaus, Ogata, put out the deck fires before we sink."

"Those fucking amateurs. You left your dog, you idiots!"

"Go downstairs and throw a tarp over anything that says "Operation Henessey" on it."

"The first thing that goes through a captain's head when he hears there's low morale goin' around is: "What'd I do? Is it all my fault? "Well, he's probably right. Most of us have been together a long time. There are others that were here before that. Do you all not like me anymore? I mean, what am I supposed to do? I don't know. Look, if you're not against me... don't cross this line. If yes, do. I love you all."

"I mean, I know I want him to think of me like a father. But the fact that there's an outside chance that he could really be my actual... biological son... is very difficult for me."

"It's probably the last adventure I've got in me. I was hopin' to go out in a flash of blazes, but I'll probably just end up goin' home."

"Oh, shit! Swamp leeches. Everybody, check for swamp leeches, and pull them off... Nobody else got hit? I'm the only one? What's the deal?"

"What a shame. They had a bartender here, Kino, made the best rum cannonball I've ever tasted."

"We'll give them the reality this time. A washed-up old man with no friends, no distribution deal, wife on the rocks, people laughin' at him, feelin' sorry for himself."

"Wolodarsky, go get the keys to that fishing boat, and throw them in the water. No, wait. They might have another set. Just blow it up."

"I'm about to blow my stack. I turn my back, and the bullshit begins. Ned, you're a scumbag. And, Jane, you're a goddamn liar."

"I'm sorry I never acknowledged your existence all those years. It won't happen again. I mean it. You are my son to me. Almost more so."

"Give me that camera. I'm gonna smash it over your head. Cut!"

"This is the first time Eleanor's ever cried in front of me as long as I've known her. Except for once when she got her arm caught in the deck winch."

"Well, I was a little embarrassed at first. Obviously people are gonna think I'm a showboat and a little bit of a prick. But then I realized... that's me. I said those things. I did those things. I can live with that."