"I'd like to thank you and ask that you remain seated, with your seatbelts securely fastened until the aircraft has come to a complete... [buzzer interrupts his announcement] Brake pressure!"

"I will eat his bones!"

"I will crush Ernest Reed!"

"[after hearing Jack's name] Moniker? What kind of a name is "Moniker"?"

"Forget this place. You guys are gonna love the Caymans!"

"Gentlemen, I just spoke to the owner of Club Paradise, and believe me, he is dying to sell."

"[during a polo game] Sol, the boys are back. Our ship has come in. Now we've gotta deliver."

"There's a sickness in this place, and I'm the doctor. It's time to operate!"

"I ain't one for these songs! I have my own songs—I'm not doing these songs."

"[creating a new slogan for his club] Club Paradise. Your Hot Spot For Fun With Guns in the Sun."

"[to his girlfriend Phillipa Lloyd ("Miss Philadelphia") after being released from jail] Babe, this is the only country in the world where the constitution is written in pencil."

"Julian Firth - John Wilkes Booth"

"Rudolf Martin - Raoul"

"Aaron Lustig - Synedyne Supervisor"

"Jeff Doucette - Desk Sergeant"

"Brian Doyle-Murray - Priest"

"Gabriel Casseus - Elliot's Cellmate"

"Miriam Shor - Carol / Penthouse Hostess"

"Toby Huss - Jerry / Alejandro / Beach Jock / Jerry Turner / Lance"

"Paul Adelstein -Bob / Roberto / Beach Jock / Bob Bob"

"Orlando Jones - Daniel / Dan / Danny / Esteban / Beach Jock / Lamar Garrett / Dr. Ngegitigegitibaba"

"Frances O'Connor as Alison Gardner / Nicole Delarusso"

"Elizabeth Hurley - The Devil (Satan)"

"Brendan Fraser - Elliot Richards / Jefe / "Mary" / Abraham Lincoln"

"You've got seven wishes. Choose carefully."

"He's a bit of a computer nerd, and he has no friends. He's a pathetic loser, really. But by the end of the film, he actually says, you've been the best friend I've ever had. It's so sad. All I've done is try to ruin his life, but I've been nice and charming."

"No, and it's actually really rare that you get completely free rein. You know, normally any character you do, you know, it has its own constraints. Your character earns a certain salary, lives in a certain area, you know, maybe has kids, sends them to school, whatever. But, no, with something like the devil, I mean, really you can go completely berserk.¬"

"Asaif Mandvi as Dr. Shulman"

"(masquerading as a mobster) My name is Ben Sobel... -lioni. Ben Sobellioni. I'm also known as, uh, Benny the Groin, Sammy the Schnozz, Elmer the Fudd, Tubby the Tuba, and once as Miss Phyllis Levine."

"[talking to patient] Well, the first thing I think you should do...is to stop whining about this pathetic loser! You are a tragedy queen! [mocks whining voice] "Steve doesn't like me! Steve doesn't respect me!" I mean, who gives a shit? GET A FUCKING LIFE!"