"[to Mortimer] If you tell O'Hara what's in the window seat, I'll tell him what's in the cellar. There's an elderly gentleman down there who seems to be very dead."

"[repeated line] Go to bed, Aunt Abby!"

"We better not leave the car parked in the street; it might be against the law."

"We were married today. We were going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Your brother tries to kill me. A taxi is waiting and now you want to sleep on a window seat. You can take the honeymoon, your wedding ring, your taxi, your window seat, and put 'em in a barrel and push 'em all over Niagara Falls!"

"[last lines] No, no. I'm not a Brewster. I'm the son of a sea-cook! Ha! Ha!"

"[watching the fighting, lighting up a cigarette] I got the papers signed — papers are all signed, what do I care? Go ahead — fight, fight. [watching the police trying to bring down Jonathan with a shoe] Oh, don't do that. It never works. [Jonathan collapses] What do you know? it worked!"

"Certainly there are thirteen bodies in the cellar and there are hundreds more in the attic!"

"[Meeting with Dr. Gilchrist in the cemetery] Pull up a tombstone!"

"[trying to make Jonathan leave] Now, here's ten dollars. Why don't you be a good sport and go out and haunt yourself a hotel?"

"All I did was cross the bridge and I was in Brooklyn. Amazing."

"[on the telephone] Yes, operator, I'd like the Happy Dale Sanatorium, Happy Dale, New York. Come on, operator, what's taking so long? They're just across the river. I could swim it faster! No, I don't want the Happy Dale Laundry. I want the Happy Dale Sanatorium. Sanatorium, sanatorium, sanatorium. Yes, yes, like a broken record. Hello — what? They're busy? Busy? Look, they're busy and you're dizzy. No, I am not drunk, madam, but you've given me an idea. [throws down the phone in disgust]"

"[singing] There is a Happy Dale, far, far away..."

"[explaining to Elaine why they shouldn't be married] You wouldn't want to have children with three heads, would you? I mean, you wouldn't want to set up housekeeping in a padded cell. Oh, it would be bad."

"[to Jonathan, who has some resemblance Frankenstein's monster] Where did you get that face? Hollywood?"

"[on telephone] Hello... Operator? Can you hear my voice? You can? Are you sure? [Hangs up] Well, then I must be here."

"Even the cat's in on it!"

"[to his aunts] This is developing into a very bad habit! I don't know if I can explain it to you. It's not only against the law, it's wrong!"

"[to Dr. Einstein] Stop underplaying, I can't hear you!"

"[to elderly guest] You... Get out of here! D'ya wanna be poisoned? D'ya wanna be murdered? D'ya wanna be killed?"

"When I come back, I expect to find you gone. Wait for me!"