"I'd like to introduce you to the hardest-workin' band in the world. On bass, Derek "Meatman" Scully. On piano, Steven "Soul Surgeon" Clifford. Dean "Mr Nipple" Fay on sax. Joey "The Lips" Fagan on trumpet. Our gorgeous chanteuses are Bernie, Imelda, and Natalie. Deco "Deep Throat" Cuffe on vocals. On lead guitar, Outspan "Fender bender" Foster. Finally, on drums, Mickah "Don't Fuck With Me" Wallace. Ladies and gentlemen, The Commitments."

"Soul is the music people understand. Sure it's basic and it's simple. But it's something else 'cause, 'cause, 'cause it's honest, that's it. Its honest. There's no fuckin' bullshit. It sticks its neck out and says it straight from the heart. Sure there's a lot of different music you can get off on but soul is more than that. It takes you somewhere else. It grabs you by the balls and lifts you above the shite."

"The Irish are the blacks of Europe. And Dubliners are the blacks of Ireland. And the Northside Dubliners are the blacks of Dublin. So say it once and say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud."

"Zack: 73% of all serial killers vote Republican."

"Constance Harraway: You work so hard not to be seen as a sex object. Before long, you're not seen at all."

"Braxton Belyeu: I'm no more afraid of the Grim Reaper than I am of a Presbyterian on Mother's Day."

"Hate's no fun if you keep it to yourself."

"Of course he sympathizes with murderers... he is one!"

"Noemi, a shaved man, has given up on her English task."

"Alejandro, the woman with facial hair, has no job."

"We spend our whole lives trying to stop death. Eating, inventing, loving, praying, fighting, killing. But what do we really know about death? Just that nobody comes back. But there comes a point in life - a moment - when your mind outlives its desires, its obsessions, when your habits survive your dreams, and when your losses... Maybe death is a gift. You wonder. All I can tell you is that by this time tomorrow I'll be dead. I know when. I just can't say why. You have 24 hours to find out."

"Death is a gift."

"They wanted me to die knowing the key to my freedom was out there somewhere!"

"I fell off the wagon and hurt myself."

"[while drunk] Socrates was ugly, Plato was fat, and, um, and Aristotle was a prissy dresser!"

"This is what Pascal means when he says that we are only truly happy when daydreaming about future happiness."

"[Giving a lecture to his college students] Living by your wants will never make you happy; what it means to be fully human is to strive to live by ideas and ideals and not to measure your life by what you ever attain in terms of your desires but those small moments of integrity, compassion, rationality, even self-sacrifice."