"Yes, I'm sick, officer. Sick from the disease eating away at me inside. Sick of people who don't appreciate their blessings. Sick of those who scoff at the suffering of others. I'm sick of it all!"

"No kidding. His head's like Sputnik. Spherical, but quite pointy in parts."

"Look at the size of that boy's head. I’m not kidding. It's like an orange on a toothpick."

"Give your mother a kiss, or I'll kick your teeth in."

"Head! Pants! Now!"

"Nancy Travis - Harriet Michaels"

"Anthony LaPaglia - Tony Giardino"

"Brenda Fricker - May Mackenzie"

"Mike Myers - Charlie/Stuart Mackenzie"

"Woman... woe-man... whoah, man!She was a thief, you got to belief, she stole my heart and my cat. Betty, Judy, Josie and those hot Pussycats... They make me horny, Saturday morny Girls of cartoo-ins Won't leave me in ruins I want to to be Betty's Barney. Hey Jane... get me off this crazy thing... called love."

"Harriet! Harry-it Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis Beautiful, bemuse-ed, bellicose butcher. Un-trust... ing. Un-know... ing. Un-love... ed? He wants you back, he screams into the night air like a fireman going to a window that has no fire... except the passion of his heart. I am lonely! It's really hard! This poem... sucks."

"I care for Apple Jacks a great deal."

"I think I'm dating Ms. X..."

"I like the night life. I like to boogey."

"[after being asked by Harriet what he looks for in a woman] Most people say a sense of humor, but I'm gonna have to go with breast size."

"Come Nadia, let us dance like children of the night."

"You know, Scotland has its own martial arts. Yeah, it's called FA-QUE! [pronounces it "fuck you"] It's mostly just head butting and then kicking people when they're on the ground."

"I believe most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare."

"[is served a huge cup of coffee] Excuse me miss, there seems to be a mistake. I believe I ordered the large cappuccino. Hello?!"

"Well it's a well-known fact, sonny-Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually in a secret country mansion in Colorado known as The Meadows. (So who's in this Pentavirate?) The Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds...and Colonel Sanders before he went tits up! Ooh I hated the Colonel, with his wee beady eyes and that smug look on his face! Ohh you're gonna buy my chicken! Ooh! (Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?) Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, smart arse!"

"[singing "Do You Think I'm Sexy" with bagpipes] If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy, c'mon baby let me know! Haggis solo!"

"May, shut it!"

"Heid! Paper! Now! Move that melon of yours and get the paper if you can, hauling that gargantuan cranium about!"

"May, turn off the Bay City Rollers! The soccer game is about to begin!"

"Let's get pissed!"

"We have a piper down. I repeat, a piper is down. 'S all right, he's just pissed."

"Ooh, that was off-sides, wasn't it? He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow!"

"We don't even know what's in those syringes. You willin' to stick yourself in the arm to find out?"

"(Last words) No,no,no no,no,no,no,no,no,no!"

"[Amanda locks him in the bathroom from the first film] I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU FUCKING BITCH! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! No! NO!!! [Screams fade away]"

"Shut the FUCK up!"

"Putting a gun to someone's head and forcing them to pull the trigger is still murder."

"First, you said you wanted to talk. Then you said you wanted to play a game. You're talking, but it means NOTHING!"

"It's a little hard to follow the manual when you've got my son, John."

"The clock is ticking, John."

"What would you have done five years ago? Would you have followed the manual then? Would you have broken my jaw with a flashlight?"

"Not long to go now until your son is pissing blood."

"[Whilst Eric Matthews has forced a pistol into his mouth] Game—Game over. I'll take you to the house."

"[Directing Eric to the house] It's the last house on the left."

"Hello, Michael. I want to play a game. So far, in what loosely could be called your life, you have made a living watching others. Society would call you an informant, a rat, a snitch. I call you unworthy of the body you possess. Of the life you've been given. Now we will see if you are willing to look inward, rather than outward, to give up the one thing you rely on in order to go on living. The device around your neck is a death mask. The mask is on a string timer. If you do not locate the key in time, the mask will close. Think of it like a Venus Flytrap. What you're looking at right now is your own body, not more than two hours ago. Don't worry. You're sound asleep, and can't feel a thing. Taking into account that you are at a great disadvantage here, I am going to give you a hint as to where I have hidden the key. So listen carefully. The hint is this: [TV screen shows an x-ray.] It's right before your eyes. How much blood would you shed to stay alive, Michael? Live or die, make your choice."

"Greetings...and welcome. I trust that you are all wondering where you are. I can assure you that while your location is not important, what these walls offer you is important: salvation, if you earn it. Three hours from now, the door to this house will open. Unfortunately, you only have two hours to live. Right now, you are breathing in a deadly nerve agent. You've been breathing it since you arrived here. Those of you familiar with the Tokyo subway attacks will know its devastating effects on the human body. The only way to overcome it and walk out that door is to find an antidote. Several are hidden around this house. One is inside the safe in front of you. You all possess the combination to the safe. Think hard. The numbers are in the back of your mind. The clue to their order can be found over the rainbow. Once you realize what you all have in common, you will gain a better understanding of why you're here. X marks the spot for that clue, so look carefully. Let the game begin."

"Hello, Obi. I want to play a game. For years you have burned those around you with your lies, cons, and deceits. Now you will have a chance to redeem yourself, for the games you've played with others, by playing one of mine. Inside the device in front of you are two antidotes for the poison coursing through your veins. One is my gift to you for helping me kidnap the others. The second is yours to donate. However, one will come with a price. Remember Obi: Once you are in Hell, only the devil can help you out."

"Hello, Xavier. I want to play a game. The game I want to play is very similar to the game you've been playing as a drug dealer. The game of offering hope to the desperate, for a price. I think we can agree that your situation is desperate. So, I offer you hope. The price you pay is that you must crawl into the same pit of squalor you force your customers into. By entering this room, you have started a timer. When the timer expires, the door in front of you will be locked forever. Only in finding the key before the timer runs out can you unlock it and retrieve the antidote inside. I will give you just one hint where to that key is: It will be like finding a needle in a haystack. Let the game begin."

"[To Daniel] Your mother gets to keep custody, I get to take you into custody."

"Help! Anyone? HELP!!!"

"Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you?! Who the fuck are you?!"

"Someone, help me!"

"I don't want to talk to him."

"[To Jigsaw, about his son] You MOTHERFUCKER!! WHERE IS HE?!"