"[singing] Where can you go when skies turn grey? Where the sun always shines and the animals play? Where every day is a happy day? Well, Smoochy's here to show the way!"

"When my brothers and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker."

"[singing] He slams the door, He stomps his feet, He sends me to bed with zilch to eat. But my step-dad's not mean, he's just adjusting."

"Captain Kangaroo, like Jesus, was someone you could really believe in. With those guys, it wasn't about the bells and whistles and the ricketa-racketa; it was all about the work. Especially Jesus."

"Now I'm not pointing any fingers, Lord knows you start pointing fingers and someone's gonna get poked. And I want you both to know that its not my intention to try and poke either of you."

"You can't change the world but you can make a dent."

"Someone toss me a beach towel because my head is swimming."

"Let's face it. Big junkies come from little junkies. We gotta nip this in the bud, Burke!"

"There are a lot of kids and a lot of junkies out there who are counting on me."

"Wasn't that fun in an Awkward Way?"

"BURKE! BURKE, GET BACK HERE!!!"