"[after she and Josh kiss] Well, you can guess what happened next. [scene changes to Mr. Hall and Miss Geist's wedding] As if! I am only 16, and this is California, not Kentucky."

"Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good. Also, sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds guys of being naked, and then they think of sex."

"So, okay. The Attorney General says there's too much violence on TV, and that should stop. Even if you took out all the violent shows, you could still see the news. So until mankind is peaceful enough not to have violence on the news, there's no point in taking it out of shows that need it for entertainment value."

"Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie."

"So, okay. I don't wanna be a traitor to my generation and all, but I don't get how guys dress today. I mean, c'mon, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants, and take their greasy hair—ew!—and cover it up with a backwards cap and, like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so!"

"[to Elton] You are a snob and a half."