"Mutants, I don't hate them. I just know what they can do. You don't realize this but we are at war. I took an oath: Protect this country. My name is William Stryker, and I am not a monster. I'm simply a patriot."

"WE HAD A DEAL!!!"

"Having fun yet?"

"We could never be 'done', Jimmy. We're brothers and brothers look out for each other."

"Tell me something, Jimmy. Do you even know how to kill me?"

"[when asked why he killed Kayla] You don't call. You don't write. How else am I supposed to get your attention?"

"I'm not your friend. I'm an animal, who dreamed he was a man. But the dream is over. And the beast is awake. And I will come for you without mercy, because it's my nature."

"[sees a mute Wade] Wade, is that you? I guess Stryker finally figured out how to shut you up."

"[referring to the now-obese Blob] That's Fred Dukes? That looks like the creature that ate Fred Dukes."

"I'm gonna cut your goddamn head off. See if that works."

"I'm coming for blood; no law, no code of conduct. You put me in the right direction, you get the hell out of my way."

"I'm the best there is at what I do but what I do best isn't very nice. I'm the Wolverine."

"My whole life, I felt like an animal. I ignored my instincts. I ignored what I really am. And that won't ever happen again."

"You know you're like your brother Steve? And I don't think those are the shoes you should be so eager to fill. You know the people Steve thought were his friends? Really didn't like him very much. But I think you're different. I think people wanna like you, Matt, you just make it really hard."

"This One Time at Band Camp…"

"Tad Hilgenbrinck - Matthew "Matt" Stifler"

"Arielle Kebbel - Elyse Houston"

"Eugene Levy - Noah Levenstein (aka "Jim's Dad")"

"Lauren C. Mayhew - Arianna"

"Chris Owen - Chuck Sherman"

"Matt Barr - Brandon Vandercamp"

"Jun Hee Lee - James Chong"

"Jason Earles - Ernie Kaplowitz"

"Crystle Lightning - Chloe"

"Rachel Veltri - Dani"

"Angela Little - Sheree"

"Joe Phua as Band Camp Student (uncredited)"

"Matthew Herb - Shower Guy"

"Jennifer Walcott - Bathroom Girl"

"Richard Keith - Trading Card Bandie"

"[to Elyse and Stifler] Let me see if I have this straight. Elyse, you think Matt is an arrogant jock who wears his penis on his forehead just to gain the approval of his sociopathic older brother. And Matt, you think Elyse is an uptight, geeky prude who needs to, uh, loosen up a bit and get laid. [To Elyse] Excuse the expression, dear. Is that close to being on the money?"

"Ginger Lynn - Camp Nurse Sanders"

"Lily Mariye - Dr. Susan Choi"

"Dossett March - Andy"

"Omar Benson Miller - Oscar"

"We didn't have MTV when I was growing up. So maybe it's the overstimulated times that we live in that causes young men to stick their... instruments in such... odd places. I knew a certain young man once who actually engaged in sexual congress with an apple pie, and he turned out just fine. So, uhh... you're perfectly normal."