Fantasy

"Casting this spell causes matter in the surrounding area to mutate into a demented, intelligent, and laughing cleaver. The Aedile randomly determines which matter. This animated cleaver revels in bloodlust, and will turn against the caster if the cleaver does not attack within 1 minute. If no other creatures who may bleed are within the area, then the cleaver attacks the caster. Whenever the cleaver attacks, it laughs hysterically with an evil tone. Upon each successful cleave, the Happy Cleaver makes a slurping sound as if enjoying the blood that flows freely from the gaping wound. ping wound. The cleaver attacks 6 times per round, doing 1d10 LP of damage, but it has no Delivery Penalty. With an Intelligence of 30, it is unable to speak, but laughs coherently. The cleaver has a mind of its own and does not need the caster to wield it. The cleaver magically propels itself through the air. Wizards have never been able to understand why, but Happy Cleavers prefer to hack female dancers to pieces."

"This spell will protect the caster from all wild animals, aquatic creatures, and robbers, so that none will be able to come within 10’ of the caster by their own volition, nor will they intend the caster any harm or pay the caster any attention whatsoever unless provoked by the caster, which will negate the spell’s effects."

"For instance, a slovenly chambermaid [“trollop” in the first edition] offers herself to a strapping young character if and only if he can expediently repeat a tongue-twister of her choice. Driven by hormones, the young male agrees, and asks “What is the tonguetwister?” The chambermaid challenges “Huge hung hero hunks hastily hump horny heaving hot whores. How‘bout it, huh?”"

"The anakim may fart as loud as thunder All creatures within a 10-feet radius of this anakim, except the anakim, automatically take 1d4 sonic damage and are stunned for 1 round, which can be avoided by passing a Drive check at TH 17. This can be utilized only once per week."

"Menstruation is periodic vaginal discharge and occurs in all races available to players, as well as most mammals. Menstruation accompanies a woman’s childbearing years, usually beginning in puberty and most often ceasing during middle age. A common belief regarding menstruation is that it is punishment from the gods for being female. If pregnancy does not occur, smelly blood may flow from the lining of the uterus, seeping out of the vagina. The (1d6 + 2) days that menstruation lasts is called the menstrual period, though colloquially it is known as the rag, since women secure rags on their crotch to catch the blood and prevent it from running down their legs. In most women, the menstrual cycle is about 28 days, but it can vary considerably, even from 1 month to another. A missed period is often the first indicaton of pregnancy. Many (50%) women experience premenstrual discomfort, namely tender breasts and a tendency to retain fluid known as bloating (1d8 - 1) days prior to menstruation. Some (40%) women experience 1d6 of the following symptoms: 1) headaches, 2) irritability, 3) nervousness, 4) fatigue, 5) crying spells, and 6) depression with no apparent cause. A few women (10%) also experience menstrual cramps during the first day or 2 of the period. If they experience irritability, then the choleric part of their temperament may increase by 1d100 during menstruation. If they experience depression, then the melancholic part of their temperament may increase by 1d100 during menstruation."

"Because their diet consists of fruits and vegetables, elves fart 3d10 times per day."

"Most [hill trolls] enjoy removing all flesh from the victim, then eating the internal organs. They are very selective, and will leave all muscle untouched, but eat the internal organs instead. Almost always, hill trolls save the brain for last, which they consider a delicacy; it takes as long as an hour to eat. Although hill trolls crave the cortex and the surrounding cerebrospinal fluid, they savor the taste of the limbic system, most specifically the amygdala, basal ganglia, and hippocampus. Oddly, they always reject the thalamus, but devour the hypothalamus. While tasting the limbic system, hill trolls will become erect or wet with sexual excitement as well."

"Victorious bugbears will often rape human women before devouring the children. Human women who are raped by bugbears may become pregnant, though the fetus aborts prior to birth. In fact, 50% of human women who are ravished by a bugbear die due to ripped uteral lining."

"For each SP invested in Sexual Adeptness, the character may invest in the specialty of cunnilingus. Each SP invested in cunnilingus represents a new technique such as a trick with the tongue, lips, or suction."

"[…]the character may invest in the specialty of ejaculation control if male, or orgasm control if female. A male specialized in ejaculation control can delay his ejaculation until he is ready. A female specialized in orgasm control increases her odds of having an orgasm by 1 for each point invested. Each female already has a Base Odds of Orgasm (BOO), which is 1d100. The TH for orgasm is 100 - BOO - (points invested in orgasm control). Compare the skill check to the TH. A male specialized in ejaculation control increases his ability to delay ejaculation. Each point invested allows a male to delay his ejaculation by 60 seconds, if desired. The base time an erect male can delay his ejaculation from initial and continued stimulation is 300 seconds. However, many other factors affect orgasm control. Consult ‘ejaculation’ on the next page to obtain SF (Scrotum Fullness). Subtract SF from 100, to obtain Scrotum Emptiness (SE). Divide SE by 100 and multiply it by the base or modified time for ejaculation control. Next, consider the partner’s Bodily Attractiveness and Facial Charisma Skill Modifiers. Apply the average during the missionary position. Consider Bodily Attractiveness twice as important during doggiestyle. Consider Facial Charisma twice as important during fellatio, except for mutual fellatio. Apply the opposite of the modifier, such as - 64 becoming + 64. If the sexual stimulus is novel, then multiply ejaculation control by 0.2. If the sexual stimuls is not novel, but boring, multiply ejaculation control by 2. Finally, if a character is in puberty, then multiply ejaculation control by 0.2. If a character is middle-aged, then multiply ejaculation control by 2. If a character is in old age, then multiply ejaculation control by 3, and multiply it by 4 if the character is venerable."

"[…] the character may invest in the specialty of sexual positions. Each SP invested represents a sexual position known. During doggie style, the partner’s Facial Charisma counts only half as much as Bodily Attractiveness regarding the skill check. *Large differences in Debauchery between partners will cause a penalty to the impression of Sexual Adeptness (see Debauchery in Chap. 6: Sociality). Subtract one character’s Debauchery (D2) from the others (D1), divide the result by 100, and truncate the remainder. Apply the result as a penalty. For reference, the formula is below: [(D1 – D2)2] /"

"To determine the modifier for tightness, divide Manhood Circumference by Anal or Vaginal Circumference Potential. Multiply the result by 100, consider it to be Base Tightness (BT), and use the following parabolic formula: (BT – 80)2 = -4y + 120 Solve for y."

"This game attempts to isolate Europe from influences that originate outside it. Therefore, spices from the East are not included, all human characters are Caucasian, zombies are not presumed to exist, and human corpses are burned -- Egyptians invented embalming, and Egypt is outside Europe."

"For instance, assume you are an adventuring knight who has just fought his way to the top of a dark tower where you find a comely young maiden chained to the wall. What would you do? Some players may choose to simply free the maiden out of respect for humanity. Others may free her while hoping to win her heart. Instead of seeking affection, some may talk to her to see if they can collect a reward for her safe return. Then again, others may be more interested in negotiating freedom for fellatio. Some may think she has no room to bargain and take their fleshly pleasures by force. Others would rather kill her, dismember her young cadaver, and feast on her warm innards."

"Bugbears call [Humans] Poople, not people. Dwarves and elves call them Corruptians. Kobolds call them Slavs (slaves). Ogres call them Ribbers (human ribs taste so good)."

"Casting this spell allows the caster to choose the location of the sphere. Everything within this sphere at the time of casting will instantaneously lose any and all reproductive fluids for 1 hour. Affected males lose (2d10)% of their Drive sub-ability points for the duration of the spell and unless under duress, feel compelled to sleep."

"Casting this spell causes 1 orifice of the touched target creature to function as both an anus and a mouth. For example, in nature a starfish is Oroanal - it eats and defecates through the same orifice. The target creature must be touched successfully. If the target creature resists being touched, then the caster must make a Brawling skill check (see Chap, 8: Skills). If the caster successfully touches the target creature, then either the (01-50%) anus or the (51-100%) mouth becomes an Oroanal orifice. If the anus becomes an Oroanal orifice, then the mouth will become sealed shut; defecation will occur as usual, but food must be shoved into the anus where it will be digested. If the mouth becomes an Oroanal orifice, then the anus will become sealed shut, eating will occur as usual, but defecation emerges from the mouth."

"Whosoever wears this magical condom will notice nothing odd until their Manhood is inserted into a vagina. Once inside, the condom will cause the Manhood to increase in circumference by (2d100)%. It may be necessary to consult Vaginal Circumference Potential and Ripped Orifice in Chapter 2: Body. This enlargement will feel pleasing to the male, but painful to the female. It will be impossible to remove the Manhood from the vagina until after ejaculation."

"Casting this spell causes a sleeping tanget creature to have a Wet Dream. The target creature must be touched successfully: If the target creature resists being touched, then the caster must make a Brawling skill check (see Chap. 8: Skills). A Wet Dream is a dream of sexual desire. For the duration of the spell, the target creature will have an intense sexual dream that is immensely satisfying, For each round that the target creature has a magical Wet Dream, their Manhood or vagina will seep 1 fluid ounce of pre-cum or vaginal wetness, respectively. For each round of a magical Wet Dream, the target creature has a cumulative 1% chance of ejaculating or having an orgasm. When the spell ends, the target creature will awaken and notice wetness."

"Whosoever wears this cloak will sexually crave themselves and attempt to orally tantalize their own genitals, no matter how far away. Upon fastening this cloak, the Manhood of a male becomes erect and throbs. Upon fastening this cloak, the clitoris of a female becomes swollen. Regardless of whether or not the wearer is in public, the wearer will attempt to bend forward and connect their tongue to their excited genitals. The wearer must pass a Health sub-ability check at TH 21 not to break their neck, because the difficulty of this task will cause frustration, which in turn will cause violent attempts to accomplish the task. If the neck of the wearer breaks, then they die. If the Health check is passed, then the character does not break their neck and, due to depression, loses all sexual interest for 1d6 months. This effect occurs each time the cloak is fastened onto a character."

"Whenever the caster defecates, their intestines fall out of their rump, though still attached."

"Whenever the caster farts, their gas-hole emits a mating call for all insects within 3d100 feet."

"Whenever the target takes a dump, it will be 3d100 feet long, though normal in girth."

"Whenever within 3d10 feet of royalty, the caster must expose their genitals."

"The caster hallucinates that all previous dumps will unite for revenge, and might succeed."

"The caster hallucinates that an old dragon is making love to a succubus for 3d10 minutes."

"All characters within 3d10 feet become unable to urinate, except while birds are chirping."

"All characters within 3d10 feet consider semen an acceptable currency."

"2 gay ogres appear within 3d10 feet and begin butt-plugging as if tomorrow will not exist."

"666 cacodaemons appear within 666 miles and impregnate 666 females in 666 minutes."

"A gerbil escapes from the target’s rump. All who see this are stunned for 1 round."

"A human male appears, drops his trousers, removes his scrotum, and offers some."

"All characters within 3d10 feet become able to hear earthworms crawling."

"All characters within 3d10 feet magically climb the nearest tree and magically fall from the top."

"All characters within 3d10 feet grow a fully functional tongue from their forehead."

"All characters within 3d10 feet now believe that any character who is taller must die."

"The caster must force broccoli into each ear or they become irate and scream until they can."

"The caster teleports into the cottage of an arguing peasant family."

"The nearest king seeks the caster so that they may be thanked, praised, dismembered, and eaten."

"All characters within 3d10 feet are now naked and covered with honey."

"While every character is capable of Urinating, it requires skill to urinate accurately or to maximize the distance of a stream of urine. Generally, this skill is for males, though under certain circumstances females may exercise their Urinating skill. This is best left to the discretion of the Aedile [game master]. Whenever a character attempts to urinate on a target, and urination requires accuracy or distance, a Urinating skill check is made."

"Whenever a male opens this jar, they must pass a Drive sub-ability check at TH 21 or be compelled to force thetr Manhood into the jar. Once inside, the jar will inexplicably grip it firmly and jerk it to completion, even against the will of the opener. Upon completion, the cummer must roll 3d10. If the results are 03-08, then the jar becomes pregnant. If the jar is pregnant, then it will not allow itself to be opened again, but will care for the fetus within, which will be heard screaming by others within 1d100 feet day and night. After 9 months of fetal torture, the child will be born and the jar will break. If the jar is broken during its pregnancy, then the dying and twitching fetus will explode after 1d6 rounds of twitching. The explosion will cause 1d4 LP of sonic damage to all within 1d4 miles. Baby parts are inexplicably everywhere. When born, the baby will be Unethical Immoral, will serve the father loyally, will obsessively collect jars, and seem to be male but have no Manhood, but oversized testicles, which can never ejaculate. Therefore, this child will be forever frustrated. Any child of a jar will insist that others call them “Chucky.”"

"Roll 1d 1000000 (6 dice that are 10-sided) to see if something about a character is a freak of nature. If the results equal 000001, then the character is a freak of nature who has survived; most freaks of nature are killed when their deformity is discovered at birth."

"Casting this spell causes 1 female humanoid cadaver to appear to be alive and unconscious. This appearance is illusory, and each character who senses (sees, smells, tastes, and/or touches) the female cadaver must roll 3d10, and the results must be 20 or higher to disbelieve the illusion. For the spell to function, the cadaver must have all of its bones, although flesh is unnecessary. This spell does not function on a humanoid larger than 7 in height. While the spell func-tions, the dead female will appear exactly as she did during the most fertile moment of her life; she will have hair, flesh that is not discolored and is warm to the touch, etc. In fact, if her chest is observed, it will appear to rise and fall as though she breathes. If her nose is examined, then it will feel as though she inhales and exhales. Finally, if her vagina is penetrated, then it will feel warm and wet. In every respect, the female cadaver will appear to be healthy and alive. If in life the female was unattractive, then the illusion of her will be equally unattractive. This spell is unpopular and shunned by most, but when it is cast the most common reason for casting is copulation. When the spell duration expires, the illusion will disappear instantly."

"Should any vagina be stretched beyond the limit as determined by the table below, which differs from woman to woman, the orifice will rip to accommodate the incoming object. First, consider all relevant modifiers, then roll 1d100 and proceed to the following tables[.]"

"Kobolds have Indonesian names. Although these names did not originate in Europe, and so they violate an assumption of the game, they were selected due to their sound and the similarity in height between Indonesians and F.A.T.A.L. kobolds."

"Casting this spell causes a creature to experience their sinuses draining. The target creature must be touched successfully. If the target creature resists being touched, then the caster must make a Brawling skill check (see Chap. 8: Skills). Watery snot will drip from the nose of the target creature for the duration of the spell. The rate of dripping is a number of drips per round equal to the level of the caster."

"A hymen is a membrane that, when broken, is used to indicate that a woman is no longer a virgin. Each player of a female character may, at their option, determine the Hymen Resistance of the character by rolling 5d20. A 100 means she was born without a hymen. Every time a male inserts his Manhood into a female with an intact hymen, he must roll 1d100 to see if it breaks, and it may only break once. He must divide Manhood Circumference by Vaginal Circumference Potential and multiply the quotient by 100. Apply this modifier to the roll. If the result exceeds her Hymen Resistance, then it was broken. If it breaks, then blood seeps from her vagina. Common folk consider an unbroken hymen indicative of virginity, though she may either have a high Hymen Resistance or never have accommodated sufficient Manhood."

"Consult the former table entitled ‘Intelligence Range’ to determine if a character is retarded. For example, humans with Intelligence less than or equal to 70 are retarded. Many Aediles will simply tell the player to reroll the score, all abilities, or some may demand that the character is played despite the low score. If your character is retarded, consult your Aedile. Any character who is retarded must roll 1d100 to see if they have Retard Strength. Next, consider 3 times the difference between the character’s retarded Intelligence and the lowest Intelligence they could have to be ‘Slow’, and consider this to be the percentile chance of Retard Strength."

"Corpse that has literally been pounded into dust"