"The Great Gazib: Hi, come well and welcome! You have stumbled upon The Great Gazib Show, starring yours truly, the Great Gazib!!! Allow me to introduce the Amazing Oopah, the world's only exploding ogre!"

"The Great Gazib: You're either a die-hard fan or a sadist, friend... (No, Oopah, just one more, one last one, then you can go back to the tent... Oopah, put the weapon down -- Oopah?) AA-a-ieee! (Oopah appears and attacks the party)"

"Viconia: Surface-dwellers can be so stupid."

"Viconia: There is no roof to this world."

"Viconia: Male, fetch me something to eat!"

"Well-Adjusted Al: Hi, I'm Well-Adjusted Al, and my prices are sensible. I used to be called Crazy Al, but therapy has convinced me that selling plate armour for 3 gold pieces and a small duck was no way to get ahead in business."

"Winthrop: My Hotel's as clean as an Elven arse!"

"Mellicamp the Chicken: Th... thank ye... (cluck). You have saved (cluck) me. Protagonist:"

"# Forsooth! Methinks you are no ordinary talking chicken!"

"# I fear I have taken one too many blows to the head! Next I'll be hearing hamsters speak!"

"# A-a-a-ah!!! Unholy magics are afoot! This chicken is possessed! This bird is FOUL!!!"

"[upon final battle in Hell] I came to hell to help my friend! Who helps you, Irenicus? Demons? You're going to die alone and you know it!"

"[About Isaea Roenall] I am sorry for that extended exchange but he is such a bounder, such a... a manipulating... such a.. Oh, to Hades with the manners, he is a complete bastard, and calling him that insults bastards everywhere!"

"What? You uses sling? What is you, a big sissy?"

"Mmm... old rations? Do you clean pack sometimes or just pretend?"

"What's this? Stale cookie? (munching noises) Ugh... that is no cookie..."

"Mmm? What's this? You gots hammer? Bhaal once drop hammer on big godly toe. Jump around and swear for days, he did. Kicked poor me all the way to Baator. Very bad week, that."

"Oooo... big weapon, this. You over-compensating, maybe?"

"Umm... Cespenar only serve the Great One. You'se nice maybe, but you'se still a nobody."

"Mm. Cool bastard sword, oh yes. Why bastard, you think? No parent?"

"I keep looking, but I runnings out of recipes soon. Needs to find Martha, soon. She around Hell somewhere, I thinks."

"Stupid friggin' Bhaal... (indistinct grumbling) ...not even a friggin' pension!"

"What's this? A book? Is good bedtime readings, maybe? Oh. Is Tome of Golems. Yuck! BOR-ing!"

"Ooo! Shiny ones!"

"eh? a shower curtain? oh it's only a cloak! Nasty pattern that..."

"De Dum De dum De De Dum, I'se looking through stuff that ain't mine! De Dum De De Dum"

"A glove? only one? what is you a ROCK star?!"

"Eh? Bag of rocks? What you do with so many rocks? Need for head?"

"Ahhhhhh, the flail of many heads"

"Greetings. I am Edwin Odesseiron. You simians may refer to me merely as "Sir," if you prefer a less... syllable-intensive workout."

"Edwin do this, EDWIN DO THAT... somebody get this jerk a banana."

"Tedious monkey work."

"Well, it would seem the leader of our little group has impregnated the impressionable circus child. And here I thought she was merely getting chubby without the ring master's whip to keep her in shape."

"I'm busy, okay? I'm BUSY."

"(Annoyed tone) O, YES, MASTER. What shall I FETCH NOW?!"

"Have you nothing else to do but bother me?!"

"Go bother someone else!"

"(Grumbling) One day... one day..."

"[in Hell] Eh? The Nine Hells, is it? Hmph. I felt your infernal power tugging at me, but I was coming here anyway. There might be profit, yet, by remaining at your side... We'll see."

"[upon final battle in Hell] Power is on our side, sorcerer! You cannot hope to defeat us in this final reckoning! Your end is near at hand, wail if you must!!"

"(Leaving the party in the Pocket Plane) Well certainly! There is soo much to keep a great magus such as myself busy here! Look! A rock! How fascinating!"

"[when faced with two options by Kiser Jhaeri] Out of professional courtesy I must insist we slay the Countess rather than my fellow mage. (Although killing the wizard could lead to the acquisition of several powerful magic items...)"

"Could my opinion of this group drop any lower? Evidently so."

"[when the protagonist accepts a quest to investigate fallen paladins] Excellent! An open invitation to fling spells at paladins, former or not! (With luck, I can convince to let me play with one!)"

"What? Why are you looking at me? Take the power, already. Isn't that what you came here for? (I didn't follow this insufferable monkey around to see all its divinity lost! What would I get out of that?!)"

"I shouldn't wish to alarm anyone, but I just wanted to point out that Jan has failed to produce a story. Can the apocalypse be far?"

"Full plate, and packing steel!"