"Twenty hours without rest and still no enemy. In the blistering desert heat, Jim and Joe plan their next attack. Find the Beast and kill him. Kill, or be killed. Man's inhumanity to man."

"Nothing bothers some people, not even flying saucers."

"Always on the prowl. Looking for something or somebody to kill. Quench the killer's thirst."

"Flag on the moon. How did it get there?"

"Boys from the city. Not yet caught by the whirlwind of Progress. Feed soda pop to the thirsty pigs."

"Touch a button. Things happen. A scientist becomes a beast."

"Well, doctors can't help her. Maybe angels, but not doctors."

"Tor Johnson - Joseph Javorsky / The Beast"

"A man runs, someone shoots at him."

"Coleman Francis - Narrator"

"Anthony Cardoza - KGB Driver / Helpful Neighbor"

"Alan Francis - Art Radcliffe"

"Ronald Francis - Randy Radcliffe"

"Larry Aten - Joe Dobson"

"Douglas Mellor - Hank Radcliffe"

"Barbara Francis - Lois Radcliffe"

"Bing Stafford - Jim Archer"

"Natalie Amenula - Yolanda"

"David Arquette - Gary"

"Michael Esparza - Chuy"

"Elisabeth Shue - Elisabeth Shue"

"Melonie Diaz - Ivonne"

"Arnie Pantoja - Vitamin J"

"Amy Poehler - Cricket Feldstein"

"Phoebe Strole - Epiphany Sellars"

"Steve Coogan - Dana Marschz"

"Catherine Keener - Brie Marschz"

"Joseph Julian Soria - Octavio Marquez"

"Skylar Astin - Rand Posin"

"It's a slippery slope... beer, liquor, dope, coke, meth, chicks with dicks, then jail!"

"You wanna hit me? I would love it if you hit me! I'm married to a Jew, I've got nothing to lose!"

"I still get nervous around ethnics."

"It's getting late... and my wife is ovulating."

"[in commercial] I'm having a herpes outbreak, right now - but you'd never know it. Thanks, Herpocol!"

"I feel like I've been raped....IN THE FACE!"

"Chuy, you're going to have a magical life. Because no matter where you go, it's always going to be better than Tucson."

"Kimberly Chung as Yoko Ono lookalike (uncredited)"

"Guy Middleton as Duke of Mantisbriar (uncredited)"

"George Cooper as Losing Boxer's Second (uncredited)"

"Nosher Powell as Ike Jones (uncredited)"

"Yul Brynner as Transvestite cabraet singer (uncredited)"

"Rita Webb as Woman in Park (uncredited)"

"John Le Mesurier as Sir John (uncredited)"

"John Snagge as TV commentator"

"Alan Whicker as TV commentator"

"Harry Carpenter as TV commentator"