"[to Muse] This is between us! I'm trying to straighten this out! Are you?! This is how you solve your problems?! You said you just wanted money! You said this was just business! Is this business?! Is this how you do business?!"

"Chris Mulkey - John Cronan, senior crew member, MV Maersk Alabama"

"The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it."

"We don't start dialing at 9:30, because our clients are already answering the phone! Three, two, one, LET'S FUCK!"

"Let me tell you something. There's no nobility in poverty. I've been a poor man, and I've been a rich man. And I choose rich every fucking time."

"So you listen to me and you listen well. Are you behind on your credit card bills? Good! Pick up the phone and start dialing! Is your landlord ready to evict you? Good! Pick up the phone and start dialing! Does your girlfriend think you're a fucking worthless loser? Good! Pick up the phone and start dialing! I want you to deal with your problems by becoming rich! All you have to do today is pick up that phone and speak the words that I have taught you. And I will make you richer than the most powerful CEO in the United States of fucking America!"

"On a daily basis I consume enough drugs to sedate Manhattan, Long Island, and Queens for a month. I take Quaaludes 10-15 times a day for my "back pain", Adderall to stay focused, Xanax to take the edge off, pot to mellow me out, cocaine to wake me back up again, and morphine... Well, because it's awesome."

"Men engaging in dwarf tossing when film freeze frames My name is Jordan Belfort. Freeze frame when dwarf is about to hit target Not him. Film shows protagonist Me. That's right. I'm a former member of the middle class raised by two accountants in a tiny apartment in Bayside, Queens. The year I turned 26, as the head of my own brokerage firm, I made $49 million, which really pissed me off because it was three shy of a million a week."

"An IPO is an initial public offering. It's a first time a stock is offered for sale to the general population. Now as the firm taking the company public, we set the initial sales price, then sold those shares right back to our friends. The i- Look, I-I know you're not following what I'm saying anyway, right? That's-that's okay. That doesn't matter. The real question is this: was all this legal? Absolutely fucking not. But we were making more money than we knew what do with."

"You want to know what money sounds like? Go to a trading floor on Wall Street. "Fuck" this, "shit" that, "cunt", "cock", "asshole"; I couldn't believe how these guys talked to each other. I was hooked in seconds. It was like main-lining adrenaline."

"I fucked her brains out... for eleven seconds."

"Oh, my God, the emperor of Fucksville came down from Fucksville to give me a pass! [Brad: From Fucksville, huh?] Hey, what are the citizens of Fucksville doing today when their emperor's gone? Is it... is it mayhem? Are people looting and raping? What are all the little fuckheads doing while you're here?"

"The Quaalude, or Lude as it is commonly referred to, was first synthesized in 1951 by an Indian doctor—that's dots, not feathers—as a sedative, and was prescribed to stressed-out housewives with sleep disorders. But, pretty soon, somebody figured out that if you resisted the urge to sleep for just 15 minutes, you got a pretty kick-ass high from it. Didn't take long for people to start abusing Ludes, of course, and in 1982, the U.S. Government "Schedule 1'd" them, along with the rest of the world. Which meant there was only a finite amount of these things left. No shit. You can't even buy them, anymore. You people are all shit out of luck."

"This right here is the land of opportunity. This is America. This is my home! The show goes on! [quoting from Norma Rae] They're gonna need to send in the National Guard to take me out, 'cause I ain't going nowhere!"

"Jean Dujardin - Jean-Jacques Saurel"

"Thank God Aunt Emma didn’t need too much convincing. Turned out the British weren’t too different from the Swiss; money talks and bullshit takes the bus. How do you say “rat hole” in British?"

"P. J. Byrne - Nicky "Rugrat" Koskoff"

"[On the phone with a customer] We don't give two shits about how technology works. All we care about is being fucking RICH."

"I clean up my act, I did rehab, I'm a TV personality, I'm sober for two years, and THIS happens. Rugrat goes and gets busted down in Miami, and guess who the fuck with? Saurel. I mean, what are the fucking odds? There had to be 10,000 Swiss bankers in Geneva, and Rugrat gets the one dumb enough to get himself arrested on U.S. soil. Even more fucked, was that he got busted for shit that had nothing to do with me. It had nothing to fucking do with me! Something about laundering drug money through off-shore boat racing and a guy named Rocky Aoki. You know, the founder of Benihana. Benihana? Beni-fucking-hana?! BENI-FUCKING-HANA?! WHY?! WHY, WHY, GOD?! WHY WOULD YOU BE SO CRUEL AS TO CHOOSE A CHAIN OF FUCKING HIBACHI RESTAURANTS TO TAKE ME DOWN?!"

"[urinating on his subpoena] Fuck you, U.S.A. Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!"

"Kyle Chandler - Patrick Denham"

"Rob Reiner - Max Belfort"

"Matthew McConaughey - Mark Hanna"

"Jonah Hill - Donnie Azoff"

"Margot Robbie - Naomi Lapaglia"

"Jon Bernthal - Brad Bodnick"

"Leonardo DiCaprio - Jordan Belfort"

"Think about it. You're dealing with numbers. All day long, decimal points, high frequencies. Bang, bang, bang. Fucking digits. All very acidic above-the-shoulders mustard shit. All right? It kind of wigs some people out. Right. You got to feed the geese to keep the blood flowing. I keep the rhythm below the belt. Done."

"[Seeing the results of Black Monday] HOLY... FUCKING... SHIT."

"Barry Rothbart - Peter Diblasio"

"Jake Hoffman - Steve Madden"

"Katarina Čas - Chantalle Bodnick"

"Brian Sacca - Robbie "Pinhead" Feinberg"

"Shea Whigham - Captain Ted Beecham"

"Christine Ebersole - Leah Belfort"

"Henry Zebrowski - Alden "Sea Otter" Kupferberg"

"Kenneth Choi - Chester Ming"

"Joanna Lumley - Aunt Emma"

"Hey, Jordon, let me give you a little legal advice: Shut the fuck up! [Jordon: [becomes enraged as he was escorted away by the FBI agents] Oh, fuck you, you fucking prick! I'm making an honest living, you motherfucker!]"

"Cristin Milioti - Teresa Petrill"

"Jon Favreau - Manny Riskin"

"Ethan Suplee - Toby Welch"

"Barry Jones - Duke of Shires"

"Robert Morley - Mycroft Holmes"

"Dudley Foster - Home Secretary"

"Adrienne Corri - Angela Osborne"

"Anthony Quayle - Doctor Murray"

"Barbara Windsor - Annie Chapman"

"Max Steiner: Nobody steals in my pub, except me!"

"Sherlock Holmes meets Jack the Ripper! Here comes the original caped crusader!"