"All my friends in one place! I've never been so happy! I don't want this day to end! And it doesn't have to, as long as we get rid of Stine! CHARGE!!!"

"Lorraine: Calling all cops. Calling all the cops. Head to the high school. My nephew is in trouble. He's with R. L. Stine. They think they know how to stop all this."

"[last lines; after typing "The Invisible Boy's Revenge" on Stine's typewriter] You forgot about me! [leaves hand marks on the glass and laughs as Stine screams]"

"[introduces himself to a classroom] Hello. Ahem. My name is R. L. Stine, and I will be your new English teacher, 'cause Mr. Boyd is still recuperating from injuries sustained in a mutant insect attack. Now, every story ever told can be broken down into three distinct parts: the beginning, the middle... and the twist."

"So what’s the plan, friend? You must’ve brought me out for something fun. Terrorize the locals? Destroy the town? Let's get SILLY!"

"It doesn't work unless it's a real Goosebumps story, with twists and turns and frights. Not to mention some personal growth for our hero."

"[about reviving Hannah] I may have written one more book."

"[in response to being called a dummy] Who are you calling "dummy"... dummy?! [sees Stine reaching for his manuscript] You're trying to put me BACK IN?!"

"[driving the Haunted Car] Sorry, folks! I'd slow down, but I can't reach the brake!"

"When I was younger, I suffered from terrible allergies that kept me indoors. And all the kids threw rocks at my window and called me names. So I created my own friends: monsters, demons, ghouls to terrorize the neighborhood and all the kids that made fun of me. And they became real to me. And then one day, they actually...became...real. My monsters literally leapt off the page. As long as the books remain locked, we're safe. But when they open, well, you've just seen what happens."

"You've made Slappy very unhappy. He's not going back on the shelf ever again. [burns the manuscript] I think it's time I started pulling the strings in this relationship. Tonight is gonna be the best story you've ever written. All of your children are coming out to play! [laughs]"

"[about his disappointment in Hannah] Sneaking off in the middle of the night with strange boys. [Champion: Unbelievable.] Shut it."

"Officer Stevens: The town has been invaded. Communications are down. We're talking mass chaos and no one knows how to stop it."

"Dropped calls are gonna be the least of this town's problems!"

"You had to pick Abominable Snowman of Pasadena. You couldn't have picked Little Shop of Hamsters."

"Lemme tell you something about Steve King: Steve King wishes he could write like me. And I've sold way more books than him, but nobody ever talks about that! [Zach: Okay.] WAY MORE BOOKS!"

"[throws a book] That one's a real page-turner. [drives away and laughs]"

"This is your last warning. You stay away from us, or something very bad will happen."

"Winnie Lightner - Mabel"

"Ann Pennington - Ann Collins"

"Nancy Welford - Jerry Lamar"

"Conway Tearle - Stephen Lee"

"Lilyan Tashman - Eleanor"

"Aah! Don't shoot, don't shoot! I don't even know your husband!"

"I…I never use soap. That is to say, I don't need any."

"William Bakewell - Wally"

"Topsy dear, don't say ain't. And try not to be any more vulgar when you can help it."

"Nick Lucas - Nick"

"[last line] I... I am... I... Oh, darn it, I've forgotten that second line!"

"And he says to me, "Dearie, do you believe in love in a cottage?" "Sure!" Says I; "But the cottage must be in my name!" Ho ho! You imagine that guy?"

"Topsy dear, don't become anatomical."

"Celia Weston as Doris"

"Steve Vinovich as Miles"

"C.J. Wilson as Mike"

"Rene Russo as Fiona"

"Anne Hathaway as Jules Ostin"

"Anders Holm as Matt"

"Andrew Rannells as Cameron"