"CAUTION: This film contains images and themes such as primates sipping herb, scantily clad women, scantily clad geriatrics, metal legs, sweet car beds, and a lot of dorks playing videogames. If any of these things "spark" your interest, we should definitely hang out this weekend. Enjoy the movie."

"A movie that proves you're never too old to come of age."

"Barry: [proudly] For 13 hours."

"[people clap]"

"Jeff: So Barry sucked on his first boobie last night."

"Grace: Not after I got through with him."

"Jeff: No way! Was he silent?"

"Grace: I once gave Charlie Chaplin a handjob."

"Jeff: [to Grace] So I mean, what's it like being old? It's gotta be weird, right? I mean, you saw a lotta stuff go down. World War I, World War II, the automobile, Tupac, I mean..."

"Let's make fun of the vegans and their crazy lifestyle. We're not hurting anybody. Go eat a hamburger and choke on a cow dick!"

"Welcome to Our Lady Health. My name's Shiloh, and I'll be serving you today."

"You were sweet."

"You said it wrong, stupid. It's Shiloh."

"I know the food doesn't sound good, but it tastes good, and is good for you."

"Yes, it sucks we don't have alcohol, but we do serve shots...of wheat grass."

"Stupid fucking idiot. Red-shirted ass."

"It's tequila! It's supposed to fuck you up!"

"I feel like Tom Cruise in Cocktail!"

"You look like a bag of shit. You sure you don't wanna borrow my birthday suit?"

"Shut up, monkey, I've got company, dude!"

"I got my yellow belt, monkey got his red belt...he's a quick learner!"

"Dude, that party was off the hook, kid. Your girl can drink her fuckin' face off!"

"This shit's fuckin' crazy!"

"I'm way too baked to drive to the Devil's house!"

"Drive, monkey, DRIVE!!"

"What is that ringing? Do I have a tumor?"

"I'll smoke it with you, bro. We'll go to the looney bin together. I don't give a fuck!"

"It's called the Brown Bomber. It'll get you so stoned, you'll shit your pants!"

"So I looked up in my tree, and there was the fuckin' king of the jungle staring at me. So I called the five-O!"

"Hey, chill, bro. You know you can't raise your voice like that when the lion is here!"

"Dude, anyone can get past a dog, nobody fucks with a lion!"

"The phone is for you. I think it's the Devil!"

"Suck those jugs, kid!"

"Oh my God! I am naked... Come on in!"

"Go, monkey! Karate chop the elephant!"

"Dragonflies?"

"I wanna eat the TV."

"Space shuttle."

"I'm an Antique."

"Thank you, Mr. President."

"Thanks, Alex. Maybe tomorrow you can introduce them to heroin."